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Chris


Ethyl17

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So here I sit tonight, exhausted but too tired to go to bed and just need to get this out.

 

Thank you so much for all your prayers and thoughts. Julie and I had just finished chatting when I found out.

 

Bruce and I had a terrific weekend. Did a lot of housekeeping-the big stuff and then off to our Town 4-H fair with the scooter. Scooter went over all surfaces and Bruce has a great control of it. He also says it "feels" safe.

 

The Ditropan is kicking and even Bruce mentioned that "the pill" is working already. For this I am so thankful. I can deal with the incontinence at nap and overnight, but he was totally continent otherwise over the weekend, again tells me he has to go.

 

I spoke to Chris last night after she was released from the hospital, as I posted. Today Bruce agreed to get to work early. While his work is 40 minutes from our house, it is only 15 minutes from Chris-so good news. Bruce's dear boss said just go, we will take care of him.

 

Bruce is funny in that he knows I am never on the phone at 9 pm at night. He just waited up, figured it was Mary Beth. I broke down after the call. He was wonderful. Held my hand, let me talk and said whatever you need, just let me know. He was at work 3 hours today, exhausted when we got home, but never a complaint. Has even agreed to go to work on Wednesday and Thursday, so I can take care of her.

 

I knew I would not rest until I saw Chris myself. She is having word finding problems, short term memory is shot, double vision in the R and some R leg shuffle. Said she slept from 11pm to 7:30am and had had breakfast when I got there. I made her take a shower while I was in the house and organized her wallet. Note on her door that says she can not leave the house without wallet, keys and cell. I made out a grocery list for her. Her neighbor Barb and close friend Mary Lou both work out of their homes and assured me they were on board. Barb took her to work to get her briefcase, grocery shopping (yes they got everything on the list), then took her to lunch and made sure she had dinner set up.

 

Work downloaded her files and she delegated all the work. She has excellent benefits so there is no rush to get back to work. Her son has her car as she is not allowed to drive just yet. Most, if not all, of her symptoms should resolve as the blood reabsorbs. She understands that she must rest when her body says and if she tries to push it, she will go backward.

 

I spoke with her when I got in from work and she is tired, but happy and relieved with what she got done today. I have contacted our friends who live in her town, two of whom do not work and they are all on board. I plan to get Bruce to work on Wednesday and Thursday and be able to spend some time with her, fine tuning.

 

Mary Beth also voiced the same concerns many of you have. But keep in mind, I already have caregivers 24-7 and other than Chris's safety in the shower and making meals, this is not any more work for them. So if Chris is not safe at home, she knows she better pack a bag.

 

As to her children, I am holding off for now. Her son came for dinner tonight and did some stuff in the yard for her. She has Barb's husband set up to do her lawn and her daughters are bringing dinner tomorrow night. A close friend, who is also a brain injury, will take her to the library tomorrow for books and CDs. And will advise her on the tests still planned. She will also take Chris to the tests.

 

I understand what you are all saying about me and the load I already carry, but I am capable of carrying that load in that I always had Chris's back up. She thinks she is a ticking time bomb and everyone here knows that she is. I can't tell her that. I will call the kids if they do not step up, but for right now am willing to honor Chris's request that I not upset them. How can one take their mother home after 4 days in ICU with a "brain bleed" and not plan on spending the night with her? And where is her sister? Chris tells me if she has a problem she can always have her 87 year old Dad drive her. Man has been in the hospital 4 times in the last 3 months; frail, heart failing-sure get in the car with him.

 

Chris and her children went through a very nasty and difficult divorce. Her two oldest were in college and their tuition was in jeopardy as Chris did not work. Her baby, my Goddaughter, was still in high school. Chris found a full time job and worked as a waitress to get those kids through college. She arrived one half hour after I arrived at the hospital with Bruce, was Bruce's medical advocate and practically lived with me for months after the stroke. She does not do well with medical stuff; but my house was immaculate, dinner on the table, all my bills paid, laundry done. I can't comment on her protection of her children, but safe to say; they all know me and know their Mom is my top priority.

 

Thank you all for your support and just for listening. I will let you know.

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I can imagine very well how you feel. I would be devastated if my best friend suffered a stroke. My prayers will be for both of you.

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I feel so sad for your friend. You sound truly blest to have so many people who support you. Chris sounds like she does as well. I agree with Sue that you need to pace yourself. If you are anything like me though you feel you NEED to do what you can to make it "right" especially during crisis time. Experience teaches me that exhaustion sets in quickly after that and you Must let others help out. Knowlege of myself say I will.repeat the action! I am wondering about leaving the kids off the hook. I understand that need to protect them and allow them to live their lives having been there myself. Sometimes that is not the best action. They may really want and need to be envoled and that might mean teaching them to hold the reigns. Just a thought to consider.

Ruth

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Debbie:

 

I m glad chris has you in her side like you had her in your side in your hour of need. I feel person who is more busy can actally get work done better

 

Asha

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Thanks for updating us with Chris. I hope she will continue to receive help from her friends and get stronger in her recovery.

 

Take care of yourself too friend. :hug:

 

Julie

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Update on Chris: she had a CT today in preparation for her Neuro follow up on Friday. Not much reabsorbtion on the bleed, but she says her vision is improving and I will tell you her aphasia is improving. And I spoke with her tonight, when she was tired. She got in and out of the shower alone this morning-after checking in and out with me on the phone-lol; and said she went slow and was very comfortable. She is still very scared since underlying problem is not diagnosed and can't be further explored until the bleed is resolved.

 

She continues to consult at home for her job.

 

Funny thing. Her kids came for dinner last night. And yes, I did call and speak with them and Chris's sister who stopped in to get a loan-lol (and that set me off). Today her neighbor Barb took her to the appointment, to lunch and then our friend Frosty was picking her up for dinner. Michele is going in the morning to take her to the library and lunch. Her Mom and Dad are coming in the afternoon. It is her Dad's birthday. Then Neuro follow up Friday morning and again Barb will take her and our friend Maureen is coming to take her to dinner. I will take Bruce to work in the morning and then go down to clean out her fridge and do up her laundry while Michele has her out. I have been ordered NOT to come, but Chris knows that hasn't worked in 46 years-lol.

 

Anyway we talked tonight after I got home from work. She is tired. Did have about a 30 minute nap this afternoon-she is not a napper, but did have some down time. We reviewed her schedule for the next two days-again the short term memory reinforcement; and she says to me "you said I am supposed to rest and nap. But you have me so scheduled, when am I supposed to do that?" First good laugh we have had in days and tonight I am just feeling so much more positive and hopeful. Thank you all for your support and good advice. Debbie

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Such a good report. I am so happy for both Chris and you! Isn't unbelievable how some people are so wrapped up in themselves? Hard to believe the sister asked for a loan! My aunt stroked about a week after buying her daughter a car (this spring). The day of the stroke that daughter got pulled over DUI and she called my aunt to bail her our and pay to get the car out of the impound! What a dear friend you are to have Chris' back.

Ruth

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Dear Debbie, Thanks for the update on Chris and you. I'm so impressed that there are friends stepping up to help out. Have you gals made a schedule for who does what when? If not, that might be helpful. In reading your account it sounds like everything is covered but it may be more clear if there was a schedule someplace. There are so many doctors appointments for a few weeks/months post stroke, and if they really don't know why it is happening I'm sure that means even more appointments!

 

I hope you are getting the rest you need to take care of both of you and your hubby! You really are a good friend!

Love to you, Ann

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