Yesterday was Valentine's Day. It should have been a romantic day with my husband, bgut we all know those days are over. Still, I didn't mope and pine the day away.

Monday, I made the house mine, making it look like Sam and his things had never been there. I actually slept in my own bed for the first time since Sam left that night.

Yesterday, I went down to the bank and closed out the joint checking account (I was teh primary account holder), then opened a new checking account. After that, I spoke to hte landlord about moving to a smaller appartment, since Laney and Kevin are only about a quarter of a mile away. I feel like I have accomplished something and am starting to take control of my world and my life.

My kids sweetened the day. Laney and Kevin gave me a dozen chrysthanthamums - my all time favorite flower, Logan gave me 3 red roses, 1 for each of the children to whom I gave birth, and Garion and Jeanna came over and made dinner. All of them wanted me to know that they love me and they are "in my corner." God I love those kids!! They really are the 3 greatest things I have ever done in life.

Monster has stopped roaming the house at night looking for Sam. He just stretches out on the bed with me to watch tv, then goes down to his bed when the tv goes off at night. I have turned off the morning alarm, since I no longer have to be responsible for getting Sam out of bed in order to get him to work on time. We relax our mornings away and take care of whatever needs to be done in the afternoons, have our dinner and relax in the evenings - our new schedule.

Does it still hurt that Sam has gone? Oh yes it does. And it will, for a while, I am sure. But I am making steps forward and I feel better about that, a little stronger.