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About this blog

An outpouring of my thoughts and feelings as I try to adjust to life post-stroke

Entries in this blog

Another year down and I'm not entirely sure where things are headed.

IT's been 5 years since the stroke that changed everything. I'm mostly happy and live is mostly the way I think I remember it being before. I love my job, doing technical writing for a restaurateur company - you may have heard of them. They own Outback Steakhouse, Carrabba's Italian Grille, Bonefish Grill and Flemmings. Everyone seems to be very happy with the work I am doing. I get a lot of positive feedback and kudos. My granddaughter just turned a year old. It's been wonderful sharing the hou

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WOW! 1 little thing can change SO much in a person's life.

There I was, snuggled into bed, having fallen asleep watching tv on 1/23/2015, all set to try get things done over the coming weekend, when there was a knock on my door. Tessa, who normally waits for me to respond, came through the door a second later, apologizing for waking me up, and explaining that she had instant messaged a few of her friends and they all said she should wake me up because she thinks her water may have broken. Nothing snaps a person into instant coherence than hearing that t

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Cookie Also Conquered the Dallas Sheraton

As I recounted earlier, Cookie Monster and I made our way to Dallas for a week long training conference. He took the airport, flight and ride to the hotel in stride, like he was born to it. I'm glad one of us is so confident. Maybe, one day, some of his will rub off on me.   So, we checked in at the hotel and another bellman, well, bell-lady, took our luggage and the 2 of us up to our room. Cookie was alert but at ease and even offered a friendly sniff to the lady.   Now, we were as admini

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Cookie Conquered The Flight to Dallas.

I was busy and anxious, the whole company "Winter break," (PwC closes for the 2 weeks of Christmas and New Year so that employees can spend time with their friends and families for the holidays), because right after we opened again, I was to be flying out to Dallas for a training conference, as part of my new department and team. That meant Cookie Monster (my ever faithful service dog and absolute best friend) would be going with me. I was anxious because he hasn't flown much. Cars, trucks, vans

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Hello.....again

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. Like most stroke survivors, I have holes in my memory, great, big, gaping holes that have eaten up large parts of my past. Most of my high school and college memories are gone. Well, they tell me they aren't gone, I just don't know how to access them any more.Not sure I believe that, but that isn't the point. Point is, I don't remember most of high school or college and what I do remember is, mostly, fleeting. So, here's the interesting part.....   Thr

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Garion Says He doesn't Think I'll be Able to do it, BUT I Think I Can.

My first grandchild is due at the beginning of February. Garion and Tessa want me to be an active part of Elaena's life (yes, we know the gender and she is already named), and I want to be as well. But, Garion thinks I won't be able to manage Elaena and a service dog, out on my own. I think he is wrong.   Garion thinks I won't be able to push a stroller and hold on to Cookie Monster's lead. I push a shopping cart and hold on to Cookie Monster. He knows how to walk by a cart. A stroller shouldn

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The Holiday, My Birthday and Cookie's Birthday....Quite A Week

Whew! When one hears the words "four day weekend," one typically thinks "oh how wonderful, time to get a little extra R&R!" That "one" doesn't live in my world. LOL   The office closed for the weekend at 3:30 on Wednesday. No one had to report back to work until this morning. At about 8 pm, Wednesday evening, I closed my logged off the company's remote server and closed my laptop for the "weekend," thinking my work was done. I had forgotten all of the things I still had to do for the Thank

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And Life Takes Another Weird Turn

It's been more than a year since I updated this. In the "Reader's Digest Condensed" version:   The relationship didn't work out and I am, once again single (See more about that below)   I changed jobs...to a better one with better pay   I moved to the bigger house next door to where I was living (good thing too)   My eldest, Garion moved "back home" (wait for it.....)   Garion's girlfriend, Tessa, moved home with him (wait for it......)   They are having a baby   Elaena is due on G

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A Whole lot can Change in 6 Months

And it has.   The room mate didn't work out. He wasn't paying his share of the bills and we ended up getting evicted in January. Karma is an interesting thing. He is, 3 months later, still couch-surfing, from what I hear, while I am renting a manuafctured home on 1/3 acre of land that is completely venced in, giveing Monster LOTS of space to run around in.   I not living with anyone, but I AM dating again. We started dating right about the time the eviction went through, maybe a week later.

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Sometimes I wish God didn't have so much faith in me.....

So, the scare in the hospital turns out to be, in the opinion of my primary care doctor and MY neuro, to have been a TIA. That makes sense. The primary care doctor was the first one to jump on that train, due to the fact that the bloodwork he ordered came bnack showing that my systemic lupus is out of remission and active again.   Solution: Slam my immune system into the basement. So, here I sit, on large doses of immunosuppressants and antibiotics/antivirals. It isn't the first time. I'm not

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Well, Look What the Dog Dragged in!

It's been a while since my last post, blog, anything. Life got busy and, as routines changed, the memory of this board sort of got lost. That is, until I checked my email yesterday and discovered a check-in from Seib99. He just wanted to know if I was still around and how I was doing. Thanks for the check-in, Bob!   Well, here is the Reader's Digest version of Lydi-world;   I'm still here, still dealing with vision, balance and memory deficits. Nothing really new or exciting there. I was in

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The End of an Era

Life has been a little surreal around my home lately. Logan (the youngest) moved back home, now he is moving back out again. One of my best friends moved back to Tampa and we are sharing the apartment. We joke that we live like a married couple, with none of the "benifits", since we care about each other and take care of each other, but there is absolutely no romantic interest in each other, whatsoever. Monster has topped the 80 pound estimate on his weight and is still all muscle. No asks me if

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Another Trip to the Doctor.....**sigh**

There are things I look forward to about going to see my doctor, and there are things I don't look forward to about going to see my doctor.   I wanted to know how much weight I had lost in the last 3 months. People are starting to comment that my shape is changing. 23 more pounds lighter. That is good.   I didn't want to know about much else, really. I know things have plateaued lately. I didn't know that some things have gotten worse. Frankly, I didn't want to know.   And I really could h

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Visual Anchors

So, life, the past coule of weeks, had been interesting. My yungest son, Logan, moved back home. The same weekend, a friend of mine, who used to work for the same copany I did, moved back to Tampa, from New York. He is sharing the apartment with Logan and me, splitting the bills 3 ways, which makes things easier. Paul, however, having not seen me since the strokes, noticed some things are different about me.   Mainly, he's noticed that my mind is not the "steel trap" that it used to be. I get

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Spring is a Rebirth,,,,,and I'm Certainly Feeling That!!

I was a runner in middle school, on the track and field team. I was a cross country runner in High school and a recreational runner in college. I wasa still running, though not as foten, once Garion and Laney were born. After Logan, I started having pain and medical problems and ended up diagnosed with systemic lupus. The running stopped because I was sick. They put me on steroids to lower my immune system and I gained weight. The lupus has taken its toll on my connective tissues. And there have

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Things Really Start to Happen When You Finally Just Let Go

**SIGH** It has been one busy weekend and week.   I ended up talking to a friend of mine who is the owner/propriater of a local, independent coffee shop that I frequent. She had just had a very painful breakup with her long-time girlfriend. Seems her ex and my ex share many not-so-wonderful personality traits, but that is another story.   She is also looking for a roommate. Well, it will cut my expenses considerably to become that roommate, not to mention put both of us in a position where w

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Ladies, There ARE, Yet Gentlemen in the World

As things would have it, the "Birthday Boy" mentioned in my last post, sent me a text on Thursday evening asking me out for dinner and a movie for Friday. I chose the movie, he chose the restaurant. We met for dinner.   Turns out we share the same favorite place, Logan's Steakhouse. Dinner was a lot of chatting and laughing, making us almost late for the movie.   21 Jump Street, which we both went into thinking, at the very least, would be a tongue-in-cheek omage to the television show we wa

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Different, But Not So

While wandering around teh internet on Monday, I received a facebook invitation to a friend's birthday party, to take place last night. Feeling like I had really turned a corner and felt like I could be in control of my own life again (read A Stroke of Insight), I chose to RSVP that I would attend. And attend I did.   Now, to be honest, the friend in question is one whom I have not seen in person for quite some time, let alone spoken with in person. I vaguely recognized the face, knew the name

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True Love Unconditional

I chose to spend my morning watching television in bed today. Ok, so I let Monster out and fed him and the cats, but immediately after that, I went back to bed with an old movie on the tv.   At some point, I must have dozed off again. When I realized I had been asleep, it was because, through still closed eyes, I could feel the warmth and constant pur of one of the cats, sprawled across my right hip and onto the pillow next to me. On my left hip, I could feel the warmth and repeating snore of

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A Stroke of Insight

About 3 weeks after Sam left me, I changed the desktop of my laptop to read the following:   Let go of all the angst you've been carrying around. Stick to the person who has been truest to you and stop putting energy into worry.   At the time, I was still very hurt and looking for some one to pick me jup, dust me off, wipe away my tears and tell me everything was going to be ok. My kids, all 3 and their boy/girlfriends, stepped up and were my rocks. They gave me peptalks, helped me out, and

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Maybe I'm Not so Broken After All

So, one of teh guys that expressed an interest in getting to know me on the flirt app happens to be a long time friend of my frmer Tai Chi instructor. This guy is also about 5 miles from me andasked me out tonight. Because we have rpeople in common, I felt ok about meeting him for dinner, so I said ok.   I thought we we clicked pretty well. We have a lot of common interests and know several people in common. The conversation wound from Kung Fu/Tai Chi to hockey and baseball, to high school, to

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I Didn't Think Much of it When I Downloaded the App

But, I kept seeing this add for an app called Skout, almost every time I have been playing Words With Friends on my iTouch. It lists itself as an app foir "flirting" and connecting with new people. Well, I figured "nothing ventured, nothing gained," and I can block anyone who I have a negative incident with. At the very least, I am not so lonely if I am chatting, in real time, with other people.   So I downloaded the app, completed a profile - very honest and upfront about my medical issues a

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Why Do These Things Hit Me So Hard?

I'm still going through the whole getting disability thing. That means I do a "check-in" with my attorney at least once a month. Well, this month, I was talking to him about anything that could help speed up the whole process and letting him know that my marriage has broken up (it's getting easier and easier to say that). He told me to have my doctor write an "official" letter to him, outlining daily chyallenges due to my disability, the fact that where I once had help, I am now alpne, and what

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Moving Forward

I have no desire to attend the church where I have been a member for the past 8 years. Sam's parents are3 entrenched in that church. So, I have spent the past 2 weeks trying out the local Universalist Unitarian church. I tend to be rather religiously liberal to begin with (something I had to be careful about, in even the Episcopal church.)   Today, I met a married couple within a few years of my age, and another fellow, also within a few years of my age, whom I assume is also married, given th

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I feel cheapened, used and taken advantage of

Last night was taxes night. Sam drove us over to our accountant's house (he is also a family friend), since he lies 45 minutes away and I should not be driving that distance after dark. We passed the evening pleasantly, getting the taxes done and having dinner, then he drove me home. That is when the trouble started.   Sam asked to come in and use the bathroom. I said ok. After that, let's just say that he took fulladvantage of my vulnerability. After the fact, as I lay exposed and sobbing, he

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