About 3 weeks after Sam left me, I changed the desktop of my laptop to read the following:

Let go of all the angst you've been carrying around. Stick to the person who has been truest to you and stop putting energy into worry.

At the time, I was still very hurt and looking for some one to pick me jup, dust me off, wipe away my tears and tell me everything was going to be ok. My kids, all 3 and their boy/girlfriends, stepped up and were my rocks. They gave me peptalks, helped me out, and kept me going. They have been great. So, I have been sticking close to them, and, of course, my mother, who has been another source of comfort and moral/emotional support.

Then, today, as I finished checking my email, I looked at that little bit of wisdom on my desktop again and something hit me out of the blue. The person, above all else, who has stuck closest to me has been ME! Everything I have done the last 2 months has been with 1 person in mind, myself. The last 22 years, everything I have done, said and thought has been with my kids and/or my husband in mind. Now, for the first time in a very long time, everything I do, think and say is, as some would put it, "all about me." I have thought about how everything I want or do will affect me. Will it hurt, will it make me stronger, will it help heal the pains I am feeling right now? How will I feel about it in a day, a week, a month?

So, now I feel like I have had a little bit of a breakthrough. I know I can rely on myself and be just fine. The kids are great and I really appreciate everything they have done the last 2 months to help me. But now I know it is ok if they back off a little, maybe even a lot. I can be independent for as long as I can be independent and I know that I will be fine. I have REAL confidence in myself, for the first time since my first stroke. I no longer fee4l "broken." I am different now, but I am capable and I am strong of spirit. I can honestly say that I am going to be just fine, for the first time I stroked too.

I am NOT shattered. I am NOT broken. I WILL create beauty everywhere.