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About this blog

An outpouring of my thoughts and feelings as I try to adjust to life post-stroke

Entries in this blog

Eye Doctors and Taxes

Sam picked me up from the office yesterday to take me out to the University of South Florida Eye Institute. I had an appointment with a neuro-opthomologist. Neither one of us had any idea what he was going to do to me, so I was a little tense. I don't like surprises, not knowing what to expect, or not having a choice in matters. That has been me life-long, but I seem a little more so after the stroke.   We parked and walked up to hte building. I had my "rollie" with me (I feel safer using it a
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At the doctor yesterday & 1st Worship Committee Meeting since teh stroke

I'm not even sure how to start this off. I had my monthly appointment with my GP. It didn't go well, but it didn't go badly either. It just didn't go the way I wanted it to go.   I'm still not allowed to drive. My balance is slightly improved from this time last month, but not good enough for Dr. Mike to give me the ok to drive yet. We'll check again next visit.   My ekg and blood pressure were good, so I can stay off the enalipril. I'm also having coughing fits much less often, so Dr. Mike
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4

Rolling along

MY rolator came Thursday. We picked it up from the UPS depot (they never deliver to our house at a time when any of us are home, sowe have it held for pick up) and brought it home. I put it together without Sam's help. I figured if I was going to use the darm thing much of my day, I was going to tackle it from the getgo. It really wasn't all that difficult to do.   Friday morning, I went to work with it. It does make things easier in teh break room because I can carry items in the little baske
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One step closer?

The back story: My father passed away when I was 3 and Larra was 1. By 8, we were away from Puerto Rico and in hiding from my father's family. There was a lot of bad blood between my mom anfd my father's parents. At 18, I chose to make contact with my father's family. It was very much a double-edged sword and I got cut pretty badly. I also did everything I could to protect my sister from being treated the same way.   Fast forward to last year. The "Old man," as we referred to my Grandfather,
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Navigating a new world

SO, my disability application is in. We are waiting to hear that it has been rejected. My mother says we can count on it the first time through the process.   Enter the disability lawyer for the second time through the process, and as many more times through until I am approved.   What I have learned I can request is disability, suplimental income and, this is the interesting one, my husband to be paid by medicare/Medicade to be my 24X7 caregiver, since he is a lilcensed nurse. How weird, b
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The Office and Disability

So, the time has come. Where bosses were understanding, they are losing that attitude. They are compleining about my accuracy, the time it takes me to complete tasks, the amount of time I am out vs in the office now. I can see what is happening. I still have short-term memory issues. I have language issues. I have mobility issues. I've been back in the office about 2 months. I'm not "getting better" as fast as they want me to. Well, stroke recovery is something that takes time, a lot of time.
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We don't have cats, we have an infestatin.

My son dropped his cat off for us to babysit on Sunday. Since then, I hae spent my days locating th places where th "little darling" has been scent marking my home. Garion owes me for this. We have 5 cats of our own. Both of our males are neutered. The cat boxes are scooped daily and th litter is completely changed once a week. Our house does not typically smell of cat. Enter Tier.   Not only has he been making my home his territory, but he has been driving his mother nuts, trying to get her i
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Giving up, giving in, or just accepting?

Saturday evening we had another family dinner. This time to celebrate my father-in-law's birthday. I hadn't seen my mother and my sister in a little more than a month, though we have spoken over the phone several times. Their lives are just very busy.   I guess I wasn't having a good day on Saturday. I was a little more off balanace than usual and, as is typical, I get a little "droopy" when I am tired. My right arm still gets very tired very quickly.   Dinner was at 6:00 pm, and went until
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Down again

I've been on the roller coaster this week. One day up, one day down. Sometimes up and down several times in the same day. Today, I'm in a down phase again.   The last 15 years have a lot of fighting for everything. Fighting to get lupus under control, fighting for custody of my kids, fighting to get out of a wheelchair (from lupus, not the stroke), now fighting to get back to as "normal" a life as I can, post stroke, fighting to come to terms withthe fact that I will have other strokes in the
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Start of Lent, Disconnect, Weather and other things

Have I mentioned, lately, tha Sam is the absolute most wonderful husband in the whole world? Well, he is.   Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Sam asked if I wanted to go to church services last evening, then he made the "executive decision" that we would play it by how I felt after work. Well, I decided that I did want to go, so Sam rushed home in terrible traffic, changed out of scrubs into a grey shirt and matching slacks (when he wears something more than just jeans and a t-shirt, he looks amazi
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Can't shake it

That feeling of being disconnected is still there. I don't think I am just tired any more.   We went to the annual Shrove Tuesday Pancake Dinner at the church last night. Everyone was all smiles and "how are you doing?" Several people were asking me "are you all right? You don't look good." Sam passed it off as my being tired. Thanks Sam, because I just didn't want to deal with it. I also didn't really want to deal with the constant hugs from people, but I didn't say anything. Sam's parents an
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Disconnected

Last night was unusual even for newme. I had a good day at the office. Wasn't over tired, wasn't stressed about anything, except what to do for dinner. I had, yet again, fogotten to thaw anything. That has been a problem for me since the stroke.   Anyhow, Logan said "scrounge night" was fine with him, others may call it leftover night. We each fend for ourselves from what is in the kitchen. Sam said that was fine with him too. Ok, problem averted.   So, trying to be a helpful and loving husb
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It's that time of year again

Tuesday is Shrove Tuesday and the pancake dinner at the church. Wednesday is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. What am I going t ogive up this year? Typically I give up hazelnut chocolate, or my weekly trip to Starbucks. I mean, what real "vices" do I have?   I gave up smoking a looooooooooooong time ago and since the stroke and new meds, I've decided that drinking isn't a good idea. Sam and I are faithful to eachother. I don't use too many "four-letter words," spend unnecessarily, go out
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Wonder, insightful, caring and supportive

I had to take a minute to express myself about the people here on Stroke Net. Everyone I have met, read, chatted with, etc. has made my recovery and living post-stroke easier to face, therefore easier to do.   It is truly comforting to me that so many people can take a few sentences, a few phrases, a few words and completely ignore the spelling and grammar mistakes, focusing like a laser into the feelings, fears, concerns, or excitement of what I am trying to say and offer unconditional suppo
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13th Anniversary

Yesterday marked my 13th anniversary with the company that employs me. When I started working here, I was providing technical computer support to business professionals in the accounting industry. No one thought I'd last even a year.   By year 5, I was training agents to support Microsoft products and doing web design on the side.   By year 7, I was working on the knowledge databases and creating on-line training modules, which is what I still do today. It's something I really enjoy. I get t
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2

Bumps and potholes

I have been making several mistakes where typing/spelling/grammar/language are concerned, at the office. Not real happy about that, but determined to try harder. I don't want people to think that because I had a stroke, I can't properly do my job any more. I know there are a few who already believe that and would like nothing more than for me to prove them right. Once can't work at the same company for 13 years (as of today, in fact!), forge a career for oneself, and others not be less than supp
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Starting to do things again

Last night, while Sam and I were catching up on tv programs we had on the dvr, I found myself, pencil in hand, starting to create repeating patters of shapes on graph paper. It felt a little odd at first, but I ended up filling up 4 sheets, no 2 sheets the same shapes.   Frankly, that is the first anything creative I've done since the stroke. I know my stroke was left-sided, so I am right-side affected and am left-handed, so it shouldn't have been a problem. I just haven't felt much like bein
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Lincoln- Douglas Ball Update

I had intended to sleep in a little bit on Saturday morning. Well, my phone started ringing at 9:00 am.   First it was my mother. She called to tell me that she was very ill and wouldn't be able to make the ball. She didn't even sound like my mother. I wished her a speedy recovery, told her I would stay home and rest too, if I were ill, told her I loved her and hung up. Next it was my mother-in-law. She wanted to tell me about my mother. Then, she called back again to let me know there was a
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I may not be dancing, but I'm a going' to the ball!

Our church hosts the Lincoln-Douglas charity ball every year. The proceeds of which go to Corner Stone Kids, a private school/Day care for low income families in Tampa. We go almost every year.   Last year, we skipped the ball beause Sam was recovering from testicular cancer surgery. FYI- a year later, he is cancer free and back to teaching Tai Chi.   This year was nebulous for us. We weren't sure if I was going to be able to go, let alone want to go. Sam's parents bought our tickets any way
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Didn't realize how tired....

I went ahead and did it. I took Sam for a walk last night, even after a 30 minute work-out in the fitness center at teh office earlier in the day. I think I was hopped up on endorphens or something.   We walked our usual rout to the Nazarine church and home. As usual, I set the pace, and I am NOT training for anything, so the pace is casual. It's just to get out, get air, and get moving.   Sam noticed I was leaning a little more on the cane toward the end of the walk, so he looked me in the
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I needed that

So, Dr. Mike and I talked about weight conditioning to regain some tone in my right arm and leg, at my visit yesterday. I'm really trying to do what I need to in order to help my recovery. Luckily, there is a fitness center in my office with a multi-station machine. Even better is that I have a "fitness buddy" at the office. Antron and I are friends, and we have been for about a year. We sit next to each other and are both "support," so our schedules are pretty fluid. We also cheer eachother up
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Results of the doctor visit this morning

I have mixed feelings about this.   I understand, given the fact that I have gone back to work, I am way ahead of the curve. I guess, part of my being such an "A" personality, I wanted to be farther ahead than I am.   I actually saw Dr. Mike today, instead of the P.A., like I normally do. Dr. Mike says I am to schedule appointments with him from now on. He is taking over my care. Sam thinks that is the best thing his office could do for me. OK, I can deal with that. I like Dr. Mike. I have
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Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I tried. I really tried not to let that person in the break room bother me. Unfortunately, I still don't seem to have a whole lot of control over my emotions.   As soon as I made the last post, the one where I thought I was doing so well and had found a better way to deal with the situation, a co-worker asked me a question. As soon as I opened my mouth, I started stuttering........BAD!   That is what happens every time I get upset, excited, anxious, angry, sad, etc. Either that or I start
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O M G

So, I wandered my way into the break room for a sandwich this afternoon. Nothing particularly interesting about that. I do it every week day around 11:30 or so. I had to bite my tongue to keep quiet as I passed one table of co-workers, however.   Yep, still walking with a cane. Still having balance problems. This can make life interesting when retrieving items from a vending machine. Sometimes it takes 2 hands, which means I have to lean the cane against the machine, get my selected item, jugg
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Just when I start to feel more confdent.....

Sam has a patient that has rather advanced vascular dementia. As life would hae it, I do some compute and bookkeeping work for hiis wife, so I am over at their house once or twice a week. He is a sweet man, but sometimes it is really hard to tell how aware of what is going on around him he really is. Other times, you really can't tell there is much of anything going on with him. Well, I can't. Sam spends a lot more time with him and will tell you that there are some really big cognitive deficite
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