Sam has a patient that has rather advanced vascular dementia. As life would hae it, I do some compute and bookkeeping work for hiis wife, so I am over at their house once or twice a week. He is a sweet man, but sometimes it is really hard to tell how aware of what is going on around him he really is. Other times, you really can't tell there is much of anything going on with him. Well, I can't. Sam spends a lot more time with him and will tell you that there are some really big cognitive deficites. It scares me to think abot.

Cerebral artereorsclerosis is a condition that runs in my family. My grandmother had it, her brother, my great aunt, and the list goes on. They all tarted having strokes, typically in their 50's or 60's, most of which were asymptomatic, several were obvious. In each case, they developed vascular dementia.

Now I have been diagnosed with the same condition, though my onset is much younger. I'm barely in my 40's. When I was in hospital this past December, the scans showed areas of "old damage," from strokes that did not manifest symptopms, as well as where several clots had become stuck, which is what sent me to the er. I know tat VASCULAR DEMENTIA IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME. It scares me.

I try to lagh about and tell myself that when it haoppens, I won't know it. so I shouldn't get upset, but I know that isn't true. I saw my grandmther go hrough it. I saw the fear in her eyes, especiually once she had lost the ability to speak. Before she died, she had gotten to hte point where she was trapped in a body was waisting away because it was no longer connected to her brain. She couldn't communicate with us other than the expressiona in her eyes and blinks. That is not how I want to end up.

I keep teling myslef that medical science has made advancements in the 10 years since my gradmother passed. Things could be very different for me. Who knows what we will be able to do for stroke survivors in the next 10 years? After all, there are a lt lss fatalities from stroke now than there were 10 or 20 years ago. With tat many people surviving, treatments to help them (us) live fuller, more active lives post-stroke are coming. It doesnlt have to mean what it did for my grandmother. Sam's patient Sam 3 days a week, who helps him with daily living and to "exercise his mind." He is healthy and always happy. There is no fear in his eyes. Who kmows wha it will be like when and if for me. I shoiuldn't get myself upset.

Still, sometimes the fer and worry creeps into hte back of my mind.