I have mixed feelings about this.

I understand, given the fact that I have gone back to work, I am way ahead of the curve. I guess, part of my being such an "A" personality, I wanted to be farther ahead than I am.

I actually saw Dr. Mike today, instead of the P.A., like I normally do. Dr. Mike says I am to schedule appointments with him from now on. He is taking over my care. Sam thinks that is the best thing his office could do for me. OK, I can deal with that. I like Dr. Mike. I have even changed insurance companies and paid out of pocket, in the past, to be able to continue to see him.

So, fine. We spent about half an hour catching up on the stroke and what has happened in the past 2 months since then. A lot of flipping back and forth through my chart, asking questions and taking notes. Then he did the typical physical assessment. He isn't really happy with the amount of weakness I still have in my right hand/arm. The leg is better, but not where he wants it. So, I am off to the weight room 3 times a week to rebuild tone. Light weights, moderate reps, I'm sure everyone here knows the drill. He does like the fact that Sam and I are taking walks 3 times a week. He says it's good for openers.

We revisited the coughing thing. Dr. Mike said that one of the medications I am on, and its whole family of drugs, have the side effect of causing a cough, so we are going to see if it abates when I am no longer taking the enalipril. Fine by me.

He also wants to see if the memory issues, the stuttering, the crying, the lack of emotional control and even some of the using the wrong words for things can be helped by doubling my Zoloft dose. Ok.

Then there is the balance issue. Well, that isn't improving the way he would like to see. I can't bend over and touch my toes, I pitch forward. So, no driving until he reassess me in a month. Shoot. Also, I may want to consider going back to the walker. It is way too easy to send me off balance and if I am going to be in the office, I need to be careful of that. I haven't said I want that, but I will think about it.

Well, we'll see what the next month holds. I don't have to like it, but I have to understand that things are different now.

Acceptance is something that I am still working on. Getting better, but not entirely there yet.