I don't think God ever forsakes us but I believe when we ask him for something, Like any parent, his answer is sometimes "no" and like any child we think they've withdrawn their love--or lost their mind!

Stroke takes away things that we can sometimes never get back. At least for me, things got better when I stopped trying to hold on to what was, and open my hands and heart to what was to come.

It's a hard place to be in and I think we all go through it and I'm sorry you're going through it now.

Jamie

My God I why hast thou foresaken me...... These were the words spoken by Jesus as he willingly suffered and died on a cross. He took the punishment so we would not be foresaken by God. Stroke is a thief stealling so much from survivors and caregivers as well. It makes us mad. And sometimes it is just good to let it all out. But I challenge you, in the days ahead to count your blessings. See what things you do have. My husband cannot talk, he cannot write a blog. He could never do the simplest things in a diner. Don't think me harsh or unsympathetic. It is a process. My husband's stroke was 7 years ago and I am still working on acceptance.

Ruth

Frederick: I hope that made you feel better. OK so now on to your responsibility and your recovery. Time to get on-line or start doing some serious reading here about your deficits and what wil be involved in your recovery.

Patience and Rote, Rote, Rote. Bruce started with the checkbook. I blanked out the balances and had him balance that checkbook every day. When he could do it with a calculator, I made him do it long hand. Those memories are stored in long term memory. They still exist. The path to them is broken. The brain can rewire, but only when it figures out which door you want to open and the only way to do that is work on one thing every day.

As far as physical and occupational therapy, that is stuff you do every day at home: wash the dishes, dry and put away if you can. Fold and put away all the laundry. Set the table for all meals. Stand up against a counter and exercise. The counter is there for support and safety. Knee bends, leg lifts, hands on the counter, arms straight: lean onto hands, hold and release. One of our caregivers recently posted that her husband had to open a cabinet door and practice putting his affected foot in and out: balance and strength.

There is not a professional out there who would begin to try to sort out who will recovery and how fast. When you finally get set up and evaluated, you will find that they will do their very best to help you recover. But no one is going to hand recovery to you. There are no take backs. You can sit and review all the things that may have caused this stroke, but the one thing that remains is that it is there and you have to deal with it.

Save the $10.00 poker game and start and do computer games. If you can't do Solitare, try something else. It is time to take all this energy and move forward with it. Debbie

My mother used to tell me "when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. We just have to find it." And it's true. A year and a half ago, I was an information architect and reporting analyst. I am not those things any more. I can't wrap my brain around it now. Now I'm learning what I CAN do. I found out I have a knack for training dogs, obedience and service tasks. Monster, my service dog, and I are going to attempt to tackle agility training next.

Yes, you are grieving. Yes, it takes a while to get through it. Yes, things seem bleak right now and you feel worthless. But you are not. You WILL find the things you can do, and that is your open window. It just takes some time and some courage to try things you might not have "had time" to try before. fortunately, once we've survived a stroke, all we have is time. Good thing too, because we need it.

The best advice I can give you is the same advice people gave me when I first joined this swite; take your time, let things happen as they will happen, don't try to force yourself to do the things you used to do. All you up with is frustration. That doesn't help the healing.

And no, there is no such thing as a survivor "who has a better chance of healing." We all just do it at a different pace and in different ways. The smartest doctors and scientists in the world are still baffled by how the brain works. Anyone who tells you differently is trying to convince themselves more than you.

Just keep trying. It takes baby steps, but you'll look back some day and say "WOW."