I don't know if anyone noticed but I was off air for a week. We had a lot of wet weather and I live on the side of a hill so the ground got soggy and so did the very old telco box buried in the ground that holds the cable...so off went the internet which is ADSL so depends on sound quality. When I used the phone it sounded like it was gurgling and I could hardly hear the person on the other end. I did complain to my telco on Friday and on Monday the gurgling went but my connection didn't clear up. I didn't seem to get many calls, which I only found out today was because it wasn't taking messages either.

Yesterday I found out my modem needed reloading, it seems a power surge we had during a thunder storm may have made it default and it lost its ability to connect to the ISP. Woe was me as I tried with the help of my provider's techo with whom, on the phone line, I spent most of the day trying to reload it. In the meantime the person staffing the support desk of the modem support service actually tried some things and in the end, today, after many frustrating days, I was back on the net again. Fortunately just in time to catch half of caregiver chat. How I missed you all!

Don't you just hate winter...wet and windy for me, snowing and freezing for you. How I yearn for those hot and dry days a lot of you are having right now. Seems we always want the opposite of what we have got, doesn't it?Ii went out tonight to Bible study so muffled up I waddled like a penguin...sigh. That group is poorly attended and I don't blame people for not wanting to go out in the cold, to sit in a cold church hall for an hour and a half discussing the book of Romans. Just say the rest of us are gluttons for punishment.

Some better news. Mum is well, she had a crisis day last week when a fever she had turned into a day of feverish thrashing around and the staff got a bit worried but after a day in bed ( and I suspect some anit-biotics) she is well again. Of course with all of Mum's conditions well is a relative term. Ray also is well, quiet some days but mostly alert and he hasn't had a seizure for ten days or so, so I have much to be thankful for.

The best news is that while I was at a church luncheon last Sunday Trev, Edie, Lucas and baby Alice went to see Pa Ray and spent an hour with him. I'm told they took some nice photos of the five of them and a couple of tender ones of Ray and his grand daughter which I hope to share with you when I have them on a USB stick. Oh the joys of modern technology...I just have to remember to call into Trev's with the stick in my hand and get someone to transfer photos onto it and then remember how to download it onto my computer and upload it onto here. Maybe you should just all call in for a cup of tea and I'll show them to you.

Saturday and Sunday I called in to see Ray at the time of the evening meal instead of lunchtime so I saw different staff on. Some of the casuals only work on weekends and only on afternoon shift so it was an opportunity to catch up with them. Some of the staff can appreciate what a caregiver does in cheering up the resident and participating in the work, in my case by feeding Ray as particulary on Saturday night he was very shaky and wouldn't have been able to feed himself. I go on most days to feed him lunch, I figure then he has had one good meal in the day. I then trust the staff to help him with the evening meal.

It is all about trust, having someone you love in a nursing home. I go to the small group that provides support for the former caregivers at Mum's facilty. Of the 120 or so people who were intially asked if they would like to attend and the subsequent ones whose loved ones have come in since only between 6 and 10 people attend each month. I know working, looking after other family members, looking after the home etc means not everyone can come, but I do wonder if many who would benefit from being part of a small group do not hang back and miss out on the support such a small group provides. I've just been going for three years on and off and twelve months regularly but find it a wonderful group to vent in and find out valuable information and get support from too.

Today we had a mother and daughter who really seemed to be stressed out about having to put a very elderly and frail gentleman into care. The emotions were so raw in these two ladies I think the rest of us found it all a little overpowering but we could all empathise having had to put our own loved ones into care. We felt their grief, their anger and their helplessness that this had happened to a fine man, a good father, a community worker etc. We as caregivers and survivors have all been there and done that. We've felt the pain, grieved, wailed and moaned, vented and doubted we would ever be able to feel happy again. I hope time heals these two ladies.

I slipped in to see Mum after the meeting for a few minutes but she was sound asleep as I guess she is most afternoons. I had a good visit with her yesterday so I didn't need her to be awake, only comfortable, at her stage of Alzheimers that is all I really want. I also had another visit last week when she was smiling and doing her mumble, mumble "talking" so it was nice to see her animated for once.

I am rejoicing in watching my tiny grand daughter growing before my eyes. I know a few sunny days would make my mood lighter and I just hope the modem keeps connecting, so that we continue the stroke journey in each others company.