I was thinking of the past today. I am up early and have the time to myself.

Before stroke....life was so different. It has affected William and myself. William can only walk with assistance and needs to have a caregivere with him all the time. I have taken on the job of full time caretaker. I now have two full time jobs. Who would have dreamed that I would every do that. I did that before when I was young. I worked and and was a single mom. This is just like that time thirty years ago. I had to work and had a babysitter for my son. Now, I work and have a caretaker for my husband. Life is funny.

They say that life is in cycles. Well, I am cycling back to that time thirty years ago.

I do run into so many caregivers....I am so impressed. they are of all ages and all seem to good. I know that they are all angles. they work so hard and have that extra emotional baggage that all of us caretakers have. You see them but not their spouses. They do all of the running around and take care of all of the problems.

I complain about empathy. but, unless you walk in a person's shoes ...you really do not not know what they are going through. Before I became a caretaker...I did not fathom what they were going thruough. Now, I know only too well. I will help them as much as possible ..just to brighten their day or make their load a little easier for the day.

Life today...consists of routine. I make sure that pills are taken and exercises done. Bathing and hygiene are done. Beds are made and linens changed. Caretaker schedules are made. Doctor's appointments are set.

We are fairly comfortable in our routine. I would like William to work harder on his recovery. but, he feels that the pool is all that he has to do. I really push his work in the pool. I does drain him of all of his energy for the day.

No longer do I have the luxury of impromtu ideas. Lets go here and do that. We need to do things that are practible. In the heat of summer...I have stopped making extra trips out with William. I am a total sweat ball if i try to get William out in the heat.

I keep telling William that he needs to keep pushing himself. I sound like a broken record. but, i do believe that his mind will get hold of the idea if I keep reinforcing the notion.

My mantra is" William you are wakling in the water. You will one day be able to walk on land".

Believe is or not. William repeated that thought the other day. He said " I can walk in the water. I will walk on land."

Ruth