We have three October birthdays in my family; sister Mary Beth, her daughter Melissa and nephew John Mike's. We have been setting a weekend aside each October to celebrate the birthdays, but also the end of summer. We don't get together as much in the winter, so this is always fun. And this weekend could not have been more perfect! Saturday was 74 degrees, so we were able to celebrate in my brother John's yard - set up perfect for Bruce. John does lobsters for the birthday kids, but we all get a taste and brother Michael did the grilling.

With our schedule for this week, Bruce and I did errands Saturday morning and then headed down to John's. Bruce and I slept until 7 am on Sunday - LOL. He woke up with a start, sun shining in the room and says "Ethyl, it is 7am." "I said, Bruce it is Sunday, honey, it is OK." Those old habits. Girls left about noon and then we did clean up and laundry, groceries and food for the week.

Since Bruce had Botox appointment Wednesday, Monday was my double at work, plus I had financial advisor. I got home at noon and Erma says Bruce took a call. Well finally nailing it down, financial advisor had cancelled and girls from Bruce's work were coming for dinner on Tuesday. I explained to Bruce that it was all well and good that he wants to stay alone, but he needed to take responsibility. He has a pad and pen and needs to use them. Tuesday we had errands - bank, pharmacy and then home to prep for the girls. Then I went back to work.

Work is crazy. New computer system. My co-workers have to concentrate on the Federal paperwork requirements, leaving me alone to do the patient paperwork and interviews. I am totally re-writing a library that I could have done comfortably before the new system came up. But Administration had no clue, so now I am stuck trying to keep to required dates and getting this library in order.

So Wednesday, the Botox appointment and WHAM, right upside my head. Bruce now has contractures and I have posted that.

Today Bruce had to start 2 mg Zanaflex in the morning. I know what the Doctor is thinking. This medication zonks him and it is a low dose, so we tried it. I had gotten up early so I could fit in a shower and in 30 minutes after taking his pills, he was dozing in his WC when I came down. Now I have safety issues leaving him alone. Bruce assured me that he would stay at his table until Cathy got here. Now the Doctor is thinking, loosen him up in the morning and work those muscles. Except I am not home in the mornings, Bruce will not do it with the caregivers or by himself. So I am medicating him, zonking him with no outcome for Bruce.

Today we went to BJs for Halloween candy. Who is better than Bruce? I do not push him and he was all over that store in his WC, he loves the free samples - LOL. I even called him back at one point to look at some flannel pants for hanging out. And again, I have to stop myself because he has me thinking like him. Warm comfy clothes for sitting in a WC and channel surfing. Have I become so tired and frustrated that I am allowing this, thinking it is OK? We came home and again I am on 90, trying to set up for tomorrow and figure out what needs to be done if this hurricane hits.

So much to think about. And I know Bruce is upset. I am willing to cut down at work or even take another leave, but what he is willing to do? When his PCP had a discussion with him about his weight, he took that to heart. Weigh in on Wednesday and he has lost five pounds. And he has done this himself. Bruce does not feel hunger or fullness, but one thing from his up-bringing is leaving nothing on his plate. So after talking to the Doctor, he began noticing my portion control and cutting down himself.

This reminds me of the early weeks post-stroke. Way too many things on the agenda-how does that happen? I fell asleep at 3pm, just out of pure exhaustion. Fortunately it was a left-over dinner night. Kira is still having constipation issues.

So, no, I am not avoiding the big issues. Just trying to get through this hectic week, intact. I am thinking about the real issue here and what has to be done about it. I know Bruce is still processing and tomorrow we will have to do Monday errands that we probably won't be able to do on Monday. He loves getting out. Then big time discussions this weekend. Any advice welcome and will let you all know. Debbie