Lauren has been in the skilled nursing home for 2 wks. He was in Acute Rehab in the hospital for 2 wks prior to that. He's gone from not even being able to bend at the waist or stand to walking with a hemi-walker about 12 ft. He's bending pretty freely now and transferring much better. There's still much room for improvement but progress is being made. He's approved by insurance until the 26th so there will be another evaluation then to see if he needs more time. I have received permission to bring him home on Thanksgiving for the family gathering. We are both very happy about that.

I have been pleasantly surprised by the good quality of his care this time. Same place, many of the same people, but the attention and care seems to be improved. He goes to a dining room for meals and they have given him a table-mate who is a catholic priest. This priest has been very active prior to a fall, I think. It's been a great match because the priest carries on a conversation with Lauren in a way none of the other residents do. That makes me very happy.

The past couple of days Lauren has been showing signs of increasing depression. It's more discouragement that he is where he is. He wants to be home, of course. I'm feeling more like that is going to be possible since he's making progress. It breaks my heart to leave him there but I know he needs more therapy to become ready to be at home.

As for me, I'm really weary. Traveling back and forth every day and spending from 4-6 hrs a day for now 5 wks total is just so exhausting and I don't get much accomplished that needs to be done at home. I'm also drained emotionally. There is the strain of not knowing how long he will be able to be at home from here on out. There is a big financial worry if I do need to place him in a nursing home. We have enough finances that we wouldn't qualify yet for Medicaid but those could be drained pretty quickly and I'd be left with nothing. I'm meeting with an elder law attorney next week to discuss options that will allow me to preserve what is allowed by law for my own needs. It's just all so overwhelming when so many other worries are right in front of me. So many of you have already dealt with all that and I know I'm not alone in the struggle.

Jamie, if you read this I want to thank you for the insight you gave me from my last blog posting. It has helped me a lot in trying to understand Lauren's state of mind related to motivation. I have always believed his lack of motivation was stroke-induced but you articulated the process so clearly. I've been thinking a lot about that aspect of stroke recovery. It seems like it's still an unknown in the recovery world. They've figured out so much about how to get people walking and speaking and moving their affected side and dealing with many other physical parts of stroke recovery. But many of them still see lack of motivation as a character flaw instead of a deficit from the stroke. Someday I hope there will be some research into how to activate emotional/motivational components of the brain so survivors who are affected in this way can be given tools to work on that as well. Lauren's rehab dr said he thinks it's a part of Lauren's left neglect. I expect that is part of it because it does fit with right brian injury but, from this site, I've seen many more affected by it than just those with severe left neglect.

For now, I carry on. Tired. Drained. Determined. Hopeful.

Donna