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Today is a big day. I am of to find the perfect nursing home to care for my father. I would be lying if I said that I truly felt convinced that anyone can do it! You see, my father has deteriorated greatly over the last year and a half.

He takes his meals through a tube in his stomach , which although life sustaining, breaks my heart. He can no longer talk to us when we visit but he sure knows who we are and I am so grateful for that. His strength is gone.

His legs and arms are thin. The thing these "cregivers" need to understand is that that is the man they see. I see a veteran of the Korean war who fought gallantly and lost many friends and a brother. I see the man that wooed my mom and looked so handsome on their wedding day. The man who took me everywhere in town dressed to the nines professing to have the smartest and most beautiful daughter in the world....and the man who still thinks so. I love him for that alone! I see my daddy...i hope to show them that man today.


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Little Me, I wish you luck in finding the right place. Is your father eligible for further therapy? If so, check that out. See if there is a bulletin board with activities. Although your father may not be able to take part, it shows that they are concerned about the residents and they just don't let them all lay in bed with nothing to do. And smell the air. See if it smells of vanilla. Many years before I was in a nursing home, I visited someone at 2 different places. They either smelled of urine or vanilla to mask the smell. The one I was in after my acute rehab, was the best place. The therapy I had there for was excellent, they had acticities which I didn't have much time for and maybe should have taken a more active role in; I was able to eat my meals in the dining room and they often had people entertaining at lunch; they had their own governing board etc. And most important, I DIDN'T SMELL OF EITHER URINE OR VANILLA, which meant, they took care of that problem by cleaning up right away. These are the things to really look for. They are all going to tell you only good stuff.


Your Daddy sounds like a wonderful person and deserves the best. And you are a sweet daughter for taking the time to do this.

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i can SO feel your pain, and your pride. my daddy isn't the same as he was before a heart attack ravaged his body and he suffered oxygen loss back in 1997. what that didn't take from him, diabetes has. although he isn't at the health level that your daddy is, YET, it is only a matter of time, if his current health continues on the decline which it has for the last year.


i don't see a weak half blind old man. i see a virile young man who taught me how to fish, hunt( eeew) man a boat, when i was a kid. i see a man who was always in the crowd cheering the loudest for me during every talent competition, beauty pageant , play, etc..... in which i participated in my teens. i see a man, who proudly walked me down the isle( twice) in my twenties, even though he never approved of the "groom" of the moment. he sat the third one out, who could blame him? lol. i see a man who treated me like a son, in many respects, teaching me his trade and being a mentor for me as i entered my thirties.


i see a man who held my lifeless hand as my heart stopped beating with the stroke and hear him say with the saddest tear stricken voice i wish i could forget..." she's gone". THAT IS the man i see. we will ALWAY see our daddies like this. i will , as long as i am able, make SURE he receives the best of care when he becomes unable to care for himself. he deserves that much, and MORE than i can ever repay.



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