He is progressing, he is recovering, he is about ready to do more things in his recovery process! I think his mind is telling him what other things he can accomplish on his own!!

So he feels more able bodied and his mind is saying "Bob, you can"!! I say that because I was the same way in my mind and I drove to Walmart one day took the test on their machine in customer service area!! In three days they called me to go take the drug test!!

I did and a couple days later they told me to come back in and speak with the personnel lady!! I thought they were just leading me on so I parked my scooter and was going to walk down the short hall to the interview room but the lady who came to get me said "sir you can bring your scooter"

I stopped went back and got on it, (a long story short) I stayed on it for three years working as a greeter on the grocery door at first then transferred to the garden center and that was great for me I loved being needed again and getting paid, kinda low but hey I was a stroke survivor working!!!

So watch out Bob may be getting ready to do more things by himself then you know he is ready for a change in his venue of his WC and watching TV!!!

Sandy, watch out for the reckless Bob. At just over twelve months out from his 1999 strokes Ray got up in the middle of the night and took off without switching the light on in the motel unit we were holidaying in. He just walked across a slate floor, tripped and fell backwards and broke his left hip. When asked why he didn't put the light on he said he didn't need it! Just a case of the old independent Ray reappearing.

It is wonderful when they want to do things again and you really love to see their growing independence but there is a reckless side too. I guess if the worst happen you can ring 911.

Sue.

It is so good to hear that Bob is coming around and doing things on his own. I know how you feel though about wanting to be there for him in case he gets in trouble, i have that same issue with mike. He is walking now with just his cane and i get so nervous when he gets out of bed during the middle of the nite to go to the bathroom but i lay there and listen for any unusual sounds. I guess if he falls its like sue says we just all 911 if need be. We have got to let them have their independance sometime and i guess that time is here! Just help when he needs you to and stay on guard when he wants to do it on his own!! These are good times, and there are better ones ahead!

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you and Bob!

Sandy :

I know it is scary for caregiver/spouse to see survivor trying to do things independently, but my argument to my hubby when he was afraid for me. I was like if I don't try something how will I ever know I can do it, and ofcourse being strongheaded I won that argument. My instructions to him always don't help me unless I ask for it, I know he is loaded with lot of other responsibilities which I cant' & won't take care like our taxes so whatever I can do is one less responsibility for him & which also helps me feel useful. So I feel even though it is scary for you, you should allow & encourage bob to do more for him & your household.

Asha

I'm on the Sue side of the fence here. Some of you stroke survivors are fighting the physical handicaps, and wish to struggle to do it yourself (good for you! BUT, you are missing the problem for those who have lost some mental skills. When ability to judge and see the dangers a situation might pose are gone, one can not just let them go on their own, especially when a new level is reached.

You can be sure that I push Bob to be and do all he can - do be do be doooo...

But, I am his eyes and safety net against the frontal lobe loss of executive decision making and loss of comprehending a dangerous situation. My help is less physical and more eyes, at this point. I am rooting for him LOUDLY(!) everything he does, but I don't fool myself - he is brash like a child, and will rush forward with whatever occurs to him, he needs my eyes, my judgement.

I just wish he could follow the cue I give him all day long. Since he has vision cut from his nose all the way right, I constantly am cueing him, "look, it's the door frame coming up, that means you have to look for the right side or you will hit it! Scan right, scan right, scan right" -- whop! -he hits it! He can't even do it when I'm in the middle of cueing him to do it!

It's like having a 5 year old and think you can leave them alone. They can walk, they can get something out of the fridge, BUT, it is that one bad decision that a kid wouldn't be able to see coming, that leads to trouble. I'm not saying Bob has the intelligence of a 5 year old... I don't know what it is.... I am saying he has the JUDGEMENT of a 5 year old, and could easily get himself in trouble!

Sandy :

I understand your dilemma. It shows that no two strokes are similar. fortunately my cognative skills were not damaged just physical skills, so things were different in our household.

Asha

Years ago, a close friend of mine had a bad stroke. She had the exact same physical problems as Bob, EXCEPT, neither her speech nor cognitive skills were affected. She went on to work and lives on her own, even though her left side doesn't work. But, Bob does works on the speech & logic things too. I have hope that he will recover some of the language and mental comprehension in time

This reminds me of a point in my recovery and something my home visiting OT told me. I'm so happy for you and Bob because he may have really turned a corner in his recovery journey.

My OT showed up one day while I was sweeping the dining room to prepare for Christmas decorating. When she first saw me she got a big grin on her face but I just grinned back and didn't ask what was on her mind. So I went back to sweeping, my good arm hooked around the broom, just when she excitedly yelled YAY!!!!

First off, I don't do loud sudden noises since stroke and I thought I was going to have to be peeled off the ceiling. So when I composed myself I said "alright! Just WHAT are you going on about?!"

She said until that day when she came to visit, I had a confused, far-away look on my face like a stunned animal but that day I looked clear and bright. But what incited her to try to give me a heart attack is that while I was sweeping with my good arm, and my bad arm hanging limp at my side, without even realizing it I raised it to brush away a loose hair that was itching my nose. She told me what I did and I didn't even know I did it.

She said that usually when that change in expression occurs and we do things without thought it signals that the pathways are getting stronger and it's no longer always force of will but we're really and truly making huge steps.

I agree too, with you and Sue,but also with everyone else. Stress to him for now that you at least want to be there at first for safety sake but resist holding him back in anyway. Trust me, he's going to do things that scare you more than that and as scary as they will be, they're all good things.

More good news, as he does more, with you there, and finds he hits a "wall" his judgement will improve too. He'll learn what he can do and what he still can't and needs to work on or ask help with. Remember...He thinks right now he can do anything.

Great news all around!

"First off, I don't do loud sudden noises since stroke and I thought I was going to have to be peeled off the ceiling."

This made me laugh so hard i almost peed my pj's!!!

But you are right, I have caught Mike using his arm and hand several times in the last month without thinking about what he is doing and he has really progressed in this time that I have a feeling something up there has clicked back on. Maybe that is where Dan is now too! I still have to remind Mike to watch his left side sometimes but it is nowhere near as bad as it was in the beginning. Bob will get it too just keep up the good work and yes you are and will be for a while longer his cognitive part of the brain but I have faith that one day you can resign that position too!

Sandy: I do understand what you are explaining. I had it this weekend. Sure I will go to your brother's for lunch - never even thinking how he was going to get inside.

Keep repeating your directions - again rote, rote, rote. It does sink in - I promise. In the meantime, you are at a good place where you can still be home; monitoring, reinforcing. But I will tell you, it will take some examples to make your point. Bruce going into the kitchen for a cup, except you have to stand for that. Is the WC locked? What are you going to support yourself on? Can you get your balance well enough to let go, open the cabinet, take down the cup? So you figure what is important to him, what he truly wants to conquer and then walk him through it.

But that Bob! Sandy, this is such a huge step forward. Finally reconnecting with life, wanting his independence, getting back to what is important to him. Just the motivation. Bruce's is no caregivers but with the BR issues - you know about that - it will never happen, but I let him transfer to and from, help him balance to release and wipe, pull up pants. All steps forward. You go girl! And yes, you are in for a tough time. LOL Debbie