New Survivors--Taking Stock
I often say that I'm NOT useless, I can be used as a bad example! So, here we go!
I struggled a lot longer than the year everyone talks about that things get better. In a lot of ways, I was just getting revved up at the year mark. I realized that I did what a lot of survivors do and I really wasn't doing myself any favors.
We all want back as much as possible of the life stroke took from us. We hear so much about positive attitude and never giving up and determination that I think we sometimes envision ourselves as Rocky Balboa running up those stairs, waving a flag at the top with triumphant music playing behind us. For anyone who remembers that scenes, it was exhilarating but in the end, it was also fiction! Uh oh, here come with the pitchforks to chase me outta here!
We can triumph, but there will be a lot of work, a lot of tears, a lot of drawbacks and disappointments and a whole lot of things you will never do the way you did them before--but you WILL do some of them differently.
I never realized my determination was a bad thing and it's not but what it took me forever to come to understand was that even that needed to be tweaked. I was strong both physically and emotionally. If a brick wall got in my way I plowed through it. It was frequently said of me "She's a fighter!" Maybe so but I can't plow through brick walls anymore like I did so I had to learn a new way to fight them.
I compared and judged myself to my pre stroke self and came up short. I've been here long enough and have been listening enough, that I know most of you have too. You and I will not be the same again and life will not be exactly the same again but we can be triumphant by learning a new way to enjoy life. some things we'll do differently,and some things will be replaced altogether with new.
I heard it all before, too but hearing and accepting and doing are all different. And plowing through brick walls are different than beating your head against them!