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New Survivors--Taking Stock


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I often say that I'm NOT useless, I can be used as a bad example! :lol: So, here we go!

 

I struggled a lot longer than the year everyone talks about that things get better. In a lot of ways, I was just getting revved up at the year mark. I realized that I did what a lot of survivors do and I really wasn't doing myself any favors.

 

We all want back as much as possible of the life stroke took from us. We hear so much about positive attitude and never giving up and determination that I think we sometimes envision ourselves as Rocky Balboa running up those stairs, waving a flag at the top with triumphant music playing behind us. For anyone who remembers that scenes, it was exhilarating but in the end, it was also fiction! Uh oh, here come with the pitchforks to chase me outta here!

 

We can triumph, but there will be a lot of work, a lot of tears, a lot of drawbacks and disappointments and a whole lot of things you will never do the way you did them before--but you WILL do some of them differently.

 

I never realized my determination was a bad thing and it's not but what it took me forever to come to understand was that even that needed to be tweaked. I was strong both physically and emotionally. If a brick wall got in my way I plowed through it. It was frequently said of me "She's a fighter!" Maybe so but I can't plow through brick walls anymore like I did so I had to learn a new way to fight them.

 

I compared and judged myself to my pre stroke self and came up short. I've been here long enough and have been listening enough, that I know most of you have too. You and I will not be the same again and life will not be exactly the same again but we can be triumphant by learning a new way to enjoy life. some things we'll do differently,and some things will be replaced altogether with new.

 

I heard it all before, too but hearing and accepting and doing are all different. And plowing through brick walls are different than beating your head against them!

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One of the things I have learned through the journey is that brick walls have to be dismantled one brick at a time. Like consistant exercise programs it is a slow method but in the end the wall is down and your resolve and strength have made it through.

 

Sue.

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But STILL what is beyond the dismantled wall is not what was on this side. Darn those walls! :)

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I totally agree with what you are saying. I am just now starting to "get" it. It has been way too long, but I am trying to accept me not what I used to be. It is allot harder then anything that I have ever done before. Being honest with myself.

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I think the biggest conquest of all is the fact that you did survive and with that life goes on and didn't pass you by. At least that's my mental mind I'll have to live with and I didn't lose my dear wife who stayed by my side totally.

 

You are a fighter and that is needed to survive a stroke for anyone and it keeps me going for sure.

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I woke up and was alive. I was out like a light for my surviving. That was the easy part. Everything after that nearly drove me insane.

 

I'm a better "fighter" than I was because now I know there's more than one strategy to use.

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for me learning to accept myself the way I am today was hard work, but it was so worth, I like & love new me. now I don't even remember prestroke way of doing & accomplishing things around the house, now new way is the only way & it does not matter as long as job gets done. good enough is perfect enough. so life is great once again.

 

hope you find that acceptance soon.

 

Asha

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The point is that it took a long time but I have found acceptance. But to find it I had to stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Stroke made many of my pre-stroke dreams improbable (I don't like "Impossible") and I was happier when I started living within my probabilities

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I agree with you! You have got to face your fears and move on. Life has dealt you a bad hand but you can learn to controll your actions now!! I had my first stroke in 2006. It left me with my right arm with no movemet and my right leg down in the dumpes. My second stroke happed in 2010 due to my anurism surgery I had in Sept. of that year. I came out of it parlized from my waist down.

So now I have an electric wheel chair that I ride in.

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