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I can't remember....


SandyCaregiver

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I can no longer remember what my life was like before the stroke.... I can't remember what HE was like before the stroke. Maybe it's because he was gone so much, traveling for work, that there really are not lots of days with him in them..... ? Yet, every once in awhile, I drive home from Walmart, and see his car sitting in the driveway, and my heart skips a beat, thinking, what's he doing home already? A tear falls, as I remember.....

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Sandy, you are hitting a major milestone, and coming to acceptance. We've all been there. I still sometimes am downstairs and he is asleep upstairs, and I think he is going to come down by himself, and walk around the corner and start complaining about the dog next door waking him up. But no more tears, and that's a good thing.

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we gottcha honey, i often wonder where is my husband ?? and like colleen i have for the most part lost the tears.. ((hugs))

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Yes, I too miss my old Larry. Every now and then when I say something that gets a big grin, I think "that's my Larry". I can't cry much anymore either. I get sad and I get angry, but I guess I have "hardened up" to the circumstances we are in.

 

Julie

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What am I doing wrong, heck I remember everything before the stroke. Some of it I care to forget. Oh, I'm not a care giver that's why but my wife and care giver certainly remembers what seems like Every Thing about me.

 

Especially the nights she cooked fish and asked when would I be closing the shop down and I never made it home when I told her I would. Now days when she gets off work early she will cook something to eat instead of eating out. So I can remember most things and times but not names.

 

Let's hope it comes back to you soon. Losing memory is not too good I would think.

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I know that feeling. It has been over a year since mom's stroke, but there are still times in the evening or even during the day, when I think, I need to call mom. We used to talk on the phone about 5 times a day even though we live just down the street from her. Then I think, oh that's right, I can't talk to her anymore. It has gotten to the point where I don't really agonize over it though. I have gotten used to the "new mom". I have a voice mail on my cell phone from mom quite awhile before she had the stroke, so I do remember how it sounded when she talked normal and not in "stroke talk". I can't imagine having to deal with that with my husband though, because he is my "sounding board" and the one that I can discuss everything with. My heart goes out to all of you who care for your husbands.

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Fred, I'm guessing it's because you are not as far down the hatch as many of our husbands are that are needing 24/7 help, and you are not the caregiver. Also, you are way past your first year and doing things on your own. Things are a blur right now, no time to see past what is happening RIGHT NOW.

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Sandy: I am like Julie. The crying is over. I do remember looking at that precious face and thinking "Where are you?" Yes there is always sadness and anger. But acceptance - this is just what it is and is not going to change. But I love when his face lights up and a big smile, we share some laughs.

 

Simple things. Bruce's friends are coming in for a visit tomorrow. He is so excited, but there is a lot of work for Bruce to do - shower, shave. He read for an hour, helped with dinner. When he is this motivated, I just go with it. Very different than 5 years ago, if they were coming in for the day. But, really, until just now, that never crossed my mind. Just dealing with what has to be done for their visit now. Debbie

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yes, we are sooooo busy, just dealing with the day to day everything, it's like when I had a new baby, all else was blotted out of my mind, while my brain did super leaps to accomplish all necessary for this new little one. My time is the same now, totally focused on him and the present moment.

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I too sit and try to remember the way Mike use to do things. I sit at the kitchen table sometimes and remember listening for the motorcycle coming down the road and watching him pull into the driveway in his leather and doo rag on his head! Soooooo Sexy!!! I remember him sitting in the floor playing his guitar and singing so beautifully! Now I have tears welling up! I don't think we will ever forget Fred, we just tuck those thought away until something brings them to the surface, or on those rare moments we have time to ourselves which is not very often. Its days like that, that make me mad and I hate what Stroke took away! Don't ever lose the memories Sandy they are all we have left of who they use to be but you are like me, you will take what you get just because we love them so much!!! (((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))!!

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With or without a stroke- your lives were going to change sooner or later. Just hold onto the memories. My memories are slipping of my grandfather because I was younger at the time, but I hold onto the little things. Going to the Dells, talks over coffee/hot cocoa, etc. He's still THERE, just a few changes, but I'm sure his sense of humor and character is there- the man you love & married.

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