Rollercoaster Kind of Day
I blogged not long ago about enrolling in our County disabled transportation program. Today I used it for the first time. I never really intended to use it too often but I really needed a back-up for those trips Aunt Sis either couldn't or wouldn't take. Aunt Sis, like me, is NOT a morning person, so I knew the second I heard "The doctor can see you at 8 am" that Aunt Sis wouldn't be going. So I scheduled the bus. It actually worked out great.
This was an initial visit so when the receptionist said I needed all the ID and insurance cards, I went looking for and realized I had lost my wallet. So, I went to the appointment--it was too late to cancel, but they wouldn't see me without the documentation. So home I went and called the office to my next appointment to see if I would encounter the same there. I would so I had to reschedule the appointment but when I hung up, I found my wallet so called them back and today's appointment was still available. I was back on track. I was glad this second appointment was going to happen because it was for a new PCP. Our town is small but fairly well populated so all the doctors practices in town are filled or they're new practices recently opened outside of town--too far to walk to. Anyway, with transportation available, I could easily get there. Today was my first appointment and once there the rollercoaster ride started in earnest.
The first "up" was I really like this doctor! So refreshing since for almost three years I've struggled to find a doctor who saw me as a patient rather than a list of symptoms and mental disorders. The second they see those in your chart you can literally see their expression change and the way they treat you changes. That didn't happen today except when it was justified and he treated me like I still have two brain cells to rub together.--whether I do or not! well, what goes up must come down--and it did.
Just about a month ago I was taken by ambulance to the ER again with what they THINK may have been a mild silent heart attack. After the initial symptoms subsided I was just really weak and felt yucky but I was allowed to go home with some new meds and the requirement to see a doctor and my cardiologist. I got discouraged because since my bypass I've been working so hard to do what I should and this happened anyway and I'm just plain tired of it all. So I cancelled all the appointments and tests. I usually get through that attitude and this time was no different so today was the start of that. The news was not good and when this is done I think I will have seen just about every kind of specialist there is. A cardiologist an oncologist, gyn, endocrinologist, neurologist and whatever they order...and the bad news? After all of that, not immediately, probably in 3-5 years +/- I will need to have my legs amputated. Unless something can be done to slow down the problems...but only slow it down and maybe give me another year or three.
I realize this was a preliminary visit and he said it could be the result of so many things, which is why so many tests and specialists so I've told myself to chill out and see if things change but just hearing all of this is a bit much to swallow at once.
On the bright side I'll probably be so busy this month that I won't have time to think about it.