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we're not so different


ksmith

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Thursday, I traveled to a doctors appointment on Access Link. What that is,is a public transportation geared towards the disabled and elderly. It was defined in the law of the Disability Act that areas that have public transportation, to have a service that follows the transit line, with fare, for those who can't do it unassisted.

With that out of the way :)

 

The gentleman that was my returning driver to my drop off and I had about 1 1/2 hours to chat. Traffic was a bear. We bonded due to the fact that he is a retired Union Labor Worker and my husband is a Union Electrician. Oddly, he and my husband worked many jobs together but didn't know each other. We chatted and he apologized for having to take a brake on the side of the road to stretch out his bum knee. Of course I understood for I get spasms in mine leg.

 

Time passed as he started to yawn. I asked him if he had a long day to which he replied "Very". I told him I hope he get rest soon. He looked as if he was going to cry. He said his wife 'over did it on her meds' She has some neurological pain disorder, I mentioned to him I have to lay out my meds , not that I can't take myself rather so I don't forget some. He then took a deep breath and told me that she attempted suicide last night. My heart sunk. He was at a total loss and said he just needed to talk to someone. I was honored he was opening up to me.

 

I explained my situation. He was shocked. But when I started to explain the emotional depression not only myself but many survivors go through, he was stunned for his wife would say and do some of the same things. He explained to me that she was never a depressed person before all this started. I shared with him that just because you can't see the pain, doesn't always mean its not there. I shared that I would start fights with my husband in the beginning of my recovery to make him leave. Not that I didn't want him there rather to give him an easy out of my situation. I wanted him to have a good life and have the burden to care for me. His eyes opened wide and said his wife does the same things, I also told him that my therapist and friends on my stroke support told me he wouldn't be there if he didn't want to.

He told me he met his wife in high school and have been married for about 40 years. He would walk on water for her. He felt so guilty for causing his wife to attempt this. I told him that in NO way is this his fault. She was , in her way trying to spare him of grief as well as dealing with the pain.

He agrees that she needs to be in an in patient facility.

 

Many more things were discussed but the moral of this is that we, as survivors, are thinking we maybe trying to help out our partner, when in fact we are tearing them to pieces. So take into consideration the next time you get angry at your caregiver for not doing exactly what you wanted,think of how they must feel about not being able to do anything to make it better.

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kelly :

 

wow its amazing story, I bet your talking with the driver helped both of you learn new things about life. that's what I find so therapeutic about my blogs. Even just reading caregivers blogs it helped me understood what my husband was going through even when he does not believe in talking about his feelings.

 

Asha

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Kelly thanks for sharing your experience. It seems you were there just at the right time for him to have a much needed "vent". Hopefully, he can get some help for his situation.

 

Julie

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What a beautiful story of caring. You were exactly what he needed at just the right moment. You may never know how much good you did on Thursday but the effect of your compassion and wisdom will continue far beyond the day. Thanks for sharing. ~~Donna

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Kelly: you are an Angel. There is a reason you were there, at that time, when someone needed to reach out. What a gift. Thank you for sharing. Debbie

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Very interesting and a lesson learned for both of you. I feel God puts us in different places all the time. We got that same transportation system here called HOP for handicapped and the elderly going to appointments, hospitals, etc.! Many of them don't have kids around anymore or husbands have died and no neighbors with cars.

 

There are ads in the papers here wanting to sell wheelchairs and scooters stating the wife or husband had passed and they have no more need for the item.

 

I agree you were the one at the right time and it should make you feel real good! We had a big blast here in a town called West, Texas, a community of 2600 people who lost everything they owned and lives lost of first responders. It was on the news of every channel on TV.

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thank you kelly --- i wish just one little piece of this sand of wisdom would just find its well into dans heart.......

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