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Keeping the faith



Well I have tried finding a psychologist but I couldn't find one. I will have to call around again. I have a list of ones around here in my dad's insurance network. I just made an appointment with my neuro in Fayetteville. I go June 17. I am thankful I did not have to do a medical review with the DMV this year. My next one is not until spring 2014 and I am just praying that I will be seizure free a full year by then so I am going to just confess to my neuro everything and not worry about him putting it in my records. Either way I thank God I did not have to get my medical review check this year. I usually get it in May but I am glad I got a break this year!


I have not had any parasomnia (nightmares, sleep paralysis). One of my friends said she mostly gets it when she doesnt sleep a lot or takes naps during the day. I know lack of sleep and stress can cause it and I realize the time around it started was when I was not working and was staying up all night and taking naps during the day. I have still been trying to eat 3 times a day. I have not had any seizures.


One thing I think has definititely helped me is going back to church. I have not gotten depressed since I began going to church in April. Lately the pastor has been doing a series on Faith. I learned that bad things don't happen to us because God is punishing us. Bad things happen to make our faith stronger. Even when you are being a good person it doesn't mean bad things are not going to happen. In life bad things are going to happen. Having faith does not stop the bad things but it does help you get through the bad things.


After I wrote my last blog, I went to church. I prayed at the altar and gave thanks instead of complaining. I have not felt dizzy when Im awake or had trouble sleeping. I do think it is positive thinking that has helped. I let go of my anxiety and fear. When I feel like I might be having an aura instead of getting scared and bracing myself for the seizure, I just block it out and say "Thank you God that I don't have seizures anymore."


I got fitted for another foot brace I am just waiting to see if Medicaid is going to pay for it. I am not getting the same big bulky white plastic AFO I have been wearing since 2001. I am getting the matrix. It is a black carbon fiber brace. I found out my foot rolls in from pronation which is making my knee roll in and back. I also need to buy court shoes or cross trainers, not walking/running shoes. I need a shoe that has support in the middle for my arch. People that play on a tennis court or go hiking need that side to side balance not the front to back flexibility. I need that side to side balance in the shoes. So I have been looking for new shoes. I am excited I am getting a black brace that will actually blend in with my skin LOL. I can finally wear shorts and dresses without people staring at my leg horrified asking what happened? No more long white socks, sweaty feat, and stretching out my shoes from the ankle hinges. I am excited and just praying I get it!


I successfully slept through the night lastnight with my hand splint on. I had not fell asleep with it since the last seizure that knocked me off the bed. I was scared that the discomfort would wake me up through the night and trigger parasomnia or seizures. The last time I fell asleep with it on was the night I woke up on the floor, splint had been taking off my arm and was laying on the floor, couldn't walk that morning, and fingers and wrist could not be touched without pain. Even though I did not have my arm strapped tightly in the splint last night, I am just glad I was able to even fall asleep and made it through the night. It is better than sleeping with my wrist completely flopped over with my finger tips touching my forearm. I am going to wear the wrist support today and try again tonight to see if that straightens it out more. Im just glad my fingers are not sore like before. I can actually exercise again. I called EMPI. I stopped doing e-stim because I have been using the same electrodes since I got it in February and they are supposed to be changed every 2 weeks. I was going to order more but I got a letter that medicaid is not paying for my device so I am waiting to find out if my dad insurance is in network and will pay for it. I hope I dont have to send it back.


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Katrina, you keep making an effort and you keep making a little progress. I admire you for your ability to bounce back. I have read your blogs for many years now I know you get discouraged and feel as if you are down on the floor again but you never stay there for long. I hope this period when you feel at peace will last, you need to have the break, get some good sleep and power on again.



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Katrina :


I am so happy for you, your realization about faith is similar to what I read in when bad things happen to good people book by harold kushner. that book changed my way of looking at bad things in our life. Also if you get chance watch oprah's 2013 commencement speech to harvard on youtube. where she beautifully says & I paraphrase it that failure in life is telling you that its just change in direction of your life's journey.



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Hey, I'm happy for you too! It takes faith in yourself and the man above. Life seems to get better when we believe and have at least an ounce of faith and believe we can overcome this setback for ever how long it last.


Life is not all about pain and suffering but it will come upon us at times but faith will dispel it for us. All we have to do is think positive and look ahead for our guiding light!


Sure you have been going through recovery longer than any of us and you started out at such a young age but look back at all the accomplishments you have achieved in your young life, that's remarkable in my mind! You are way ahead in this recovery with much more to come your way. Keep the faith I know that is why I'm doing as good as I am in my recovery process!

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Katrina, I found this today about "God's Shelter".......Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most high, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.


He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1)


Shelters are places of rest and protection. As Christians, we can find God's shelter through spending time with Him in prayer, Bible study, and fellowship with other Christians. Through these, we can gain the strength and renewal necessary to faithfully serve God in challenging times and through difficult tests.

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