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so i have trouble falling asleep, and this past week it has been worse, my schedule so messed up i dont know which end is up.. so i took a med prescribed to me.. trazadone.. i will never do that again... what a hang over..... so now i am tired, hung over and have dan to contend with.. and this hang over unlike others i have had ( from drinking back about 100 years ago) is a real hang, hang over.. i feel locked in some sort of bubble.. oh it will get better. just goes to show you- trying to fix one problem and created a whole new one...


now my next issue--- and feedback if you can... i plan to build a one level complete handicap home for dan.. but the plans i am seeing on the internet are not practical.. one of the thoughts i have ( and this builds upon a previous thought) is to have a central kitchen living area and a open laundry area with maybe a high self(s) to divide it from site... but i want to retain the wide open area for line of site of dan at all times.. with his seizures one just never knows.... and then i want 3-4 corner master bathroom /bedroom suites with a small living area- .... i would have a couple of regular bedrooms for guests as well and a central shower /bathing area to make that issue much easier for all concerned if needed.. and then 1-2 regular bathrooms for guests..


my thought is, like i had wanted in the past is to have other people live with me that are dealing with life altering issues.. we can share the kitchen and laundry room areas and there would be one central large living room / dining area... i have changed my goal from caring for others ( dan is enough- believe me) to assisting others in learning to care for their loved one.. giving the accessibility to them to do it... a lot of times, the economic plight is the biggest obstacle.. they might have a home but it is so impractical in the current living situation that a person is forced to put their loved one in a nursing home... am i looking to get rich -- nope ( we all know better) , but having a small rental income would allow me to assist in paying for the structure.. and i wouldnt need to be licensed as - i would not be caregiving per say-- but providing the "home" or ability for a person to care for their own loved one... now the dynamics i worry about.. the obvious----- what if people dont "mesh" , non payment of rent, misuse or neglect of property , stealing from me - each other... liability, and my own big heart getting in the way..LOL so i am seeking input.. and because i do know anything that can go wrong probably will i need to be prepared for the consequences... but i feel as if this is a calling for me, and dan would benefit from companionship of others in the same boat... and stroke would not necessarily be the prerequisite - but a life altering illness, or condition would also be considered.. i would be targeting the middle agers like ourselves.. as that is what i think is needed most. . i would not "rule out" hospice situations either.. as we do not have a hospice house in our area.. hospice services are offered but not with special housing situations offered to people who may benefit from it...

I am the type of person who can handle the "territorial" aspect of undertaking this.. but would need to figure out a way to see if the placements would have issues - with each other... I do enjoy cooking once in a while, but would gladly give up the kitchen to someone who enjoys it more... and i dont care where the cooking supplies/dishes are as long as they dont move around constantly.. laundry i feel it would be most appropriate to do your own "families" and actually think 2 sets of washers and dryers and a big counter top to fold ( similar to a mini launder mat) ... I don't care about wrinkles - and usually only buy easy to care for clothing.. but some people do... dan and my sister were/are anal about folding everything in a particular way.. so laundry would be left to each family...

and i would have a oversized garage , and would have a wheel chair accessible van available.. cars generally would need to be parked in the parking lot.. i would hire out lawn and snow services.. and would ( with our ND summers) have a large screened porch /deck on the east side....that could also provide as a sunroom area in the winter if it can be - and i think it can - designed... no ramps, no barriers.. auto open doors where appropriate... the place would be essentially one big rectangular structure. no fancy architecture... and i would have one "safe room" in the case of a tornado situation -- probably the handicap shower room as it would be a centrally located room... a basement wouldnt be useful with wheelchairs and all ... one or two bedrooms would be equipped with a lift and track..

This is a realistic goal for me, even if it started as a build as you go situation... so feed back people !!! thoughts, ideas -


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This made me think of a time when I lived with my daughter in a homeless shelter built and run by nuns. It was also not just being homeless that got you in but domestic violence so many of your concerns had to be considered too. Maybe something of the way they handled it will help you In this "home" there were 4 "pods"-In each pod lived 4 families, each with a large bedroom and in the center of each pod was a large living room, a kitchen, a utility/laundry room, and a large nursery. It sounds like 2 pods would do you well even if the pods only housed 2 families each. That helped with personality clashes and in worst cases, you could move a family to another pod if need. Rent was paid to the nuns And a percentage of the groceries for the month. So, the four mothers in my pod had to make a monthly menu and go shopping together to get supplies. If we wanted things to keep only for ourselves we bought it on our own AND back at home we put a small label with our name on it that was off limits to other residents. In our case many of the women had no idea how to run a home or manage finances so aside from trying to avoid squabbles it also taught us how to plan and manage a home. In your case it may be therapeutic to your tenants in learning to be self sufficient again. We all...all 12 families got together for picnics or gatherings but it was nice to go back to your pod and feel at least a little more privacy. There was also a schedule of cleaning chores, that rotated. For example, one week i may be in charge of vacuuming and touching up the tv room, next week I might be in charge of cleaning and checking the nursery for broken toys, or I may be assigned the kitchen including cleaning the fridge and stove. One of our mothers was handicapped so us girls would switch with her if it came her time to do something she couldn't do. As different as we were there were VERY few clashes and the ones that I do remember were just squabbles that were over and forgotten almost before they got started. PM me if you want to hear more or if you have questions.


I wasn't clear--each pod had a bedroom for each tenant/mother and children with a shower/bathroom connecting two bedrooms

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i was thinking living area, bathroom and bedroom... and a fridge or something in each room -- for the medications and those "special items" ... i guess i'm not really thinking of guests with minor children , but adult children who come and stay on occasion could stay in a extra "plain bedroom" ... and of course grandchildren and the like would be welcome for a visit , but not as residents... the people i would target wouldnt do well with small children actually living with them... although i do plan a outside play area with playground equipment - as kids are welcome as guests - even sleep overs if needed or desired... and there would be a large fenced area for dogs and cats to roam , as they are important to their owners... i plan mostly non carpeted area so clean up after a oops a animal may have should be easy, but i also want a animal walk in door.... and a non carpeted area would benefit all involved with wheel chaire needs... jamie if you think of more things to add... let me know, because this is a pretty "real" plan for me.. just waiting for another "shoe to drop" LOL

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and in my visits with colleen we have established that once a person is pushed into this "survival mode" lots of things just dont matter that used to.. and i am kinda counting on that to keep squabbles down to a minimum...... if it is a positive experience, and working out for all involved for the most part, then i will look into grants ect... to see what i can do in terms of growth.. but for now going to do what i perceive as as a experiment... but i like your pod idea for growth...

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Nancy, do you really need more headaches? It sounds like this would be more on your back.... and also something that would require licensing by the state and insurance out the wa-zoo.

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Our situation is obviously different than yours in ways but with small changes could work. the carpet in the tv room could be tile instead, the nursery could be a "therapy room" or "sitting room" for when visitors come and want to chat so they don't annoy residents watching tv...things like that. Just loose ideas that might work with small changes.


Speaking of dropping shoes, this is not fun to think about but better to know now before a BIG shoe drops. Because in legal terms this will no longer be a single family home AND will be for disabled people make sure you check everything out with disability services and housing codes even if you're not offering medical services of any kind. I saw that shoe drop before and it wasn't pretty.

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And get in touch with all services pertaining to people with mental, physical and emotional problems as when you have problems you want help ASAP not sometime in the future. We have a couple of homes which provide short term respite and they have to have teams of people on stand-by. Ray had one five day visit and had a fall requiring a nurse to attend to do dressings on his arm.


People with problems such as poor health, be they from stroke damage, mental or physical health problems also have other problems such as financial problems etc needing a lot of imput from outside services so a small "infirmary" with a well stocked medical safe would have to be included somewhere and a room where they could have private conversations with legal representatives etc.


Think about what this future plan would be like if Dan were suddeny not at home with you too. Would it be sustainable if you were on your own?

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This is such a great, inspired idea. Lots to plan, but one step at a time. Look at New Beginnings! plus maybe pick their brains. I'm looking forward to seeing how it all develops, it will be a lot of work and time involved, but so much better than sitting around doing nothing, and worrying all the time.

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Nancy: a commune for the disabled - your 70s are showing - LOL. Love it.


As you tour around, take advantage of some of those open houses at 55 and over communities. There are probably several in AZ near you. Look to the layout of the units, gathering ideas for the layout and arrangement. I know Carl"s bathroom layout is incredible with the drive in WC showers and drop down bench.


You"ll also need a good architect - but I bet you could draw great interest from one of the TLC home teams. You can contact them right on the internet, through the TLC website. For you and Dan, separate entrance from the main house - maybe a unit just off the other areas, where you could lock the door. But theft is going to be an issue anyway for you, as the homeowner, even if it is not your stuff. So Renters Insurance maybe a must for everyone else. Great idea honey. Will share as things come to me. Debbie

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i have a friend who is a rn and has a psych degree as well... and i was thinking of making her a on call person... she works with the jail so we have good communication with each other... might create a liability issue for her, so we would see if she could be a employee of social services / local health dept... we are a small enough community that everyone knows everyone, so if it can be done we will do it... i spoke to her in the past.... unfortunatley no one has ever been much help for dans issues... but he seems to be "peeping" out of the box and seeing there is still life...

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oh by the way dan and i picked up some sort of virus... so i didnt have a hangover --- i have a sick over... went to the doc today.. thought maybe a uti nope, and dan has tore his bicep somehow( left arm ) - aka the only arm that works... it is all bruised and swollen so we both went to the clinic ... and tomorrow he has a ultra sound on it ... i was guessing compartment syndrome - but the doc said it is rare, for the bicep to have that issue, but we are the family of if it can happen it will.... mostly bad, but once in awhile good to ... cross my fingers and hoping not compartment syndrom - especially with the low grade temp he and i both have, which brings me back to something viral...

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Nancy, in a way it is not surprising that Dan tore his bicep. Bruce has to pull himself up our ramp with me pushing, only way I can get him up it. You have seen our sizes. But the amount of work that unaffected side has had to take over is incredible.


Bruce had a cyst on his left shoulder. Doctor said it is benign but probably should come out. My response was that is the only side that is working. If it becomes infected, that takes out the only working side he has. Please do let me know about the Ultrasound.


As to the infection - you know you need your bloodwork checked. That said, hydrate and rest as well as you can. I am so thankful this occurred when you finally got back home. So much easier to manage.


If you are concerned about the Trazadone, take half. You can always take the other half if need be. And with your tiny frame, half may be just enough to let you drift off.

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