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Why does this happen? Six weeks ago, Bruce had his quarterly Botox. Doctor ordered therapy - paid by Medicare and Bruce agreed. He told me he was "on board" for a new trial and recovery. Therapy re-evals. OT said arm-hand was great, therapist sees some hope there. PT not so much.


I told PT I was on board, but I want independent exercises. Bruce wants recovery, Bruce is going to work towards it. I do have to spot him on and off the bed and his affected foot on one exercise, put the gait belt on his foot for another one, but basically for a half hour workout, not so bad for me.


After 5 days, including AFO all day and walking - not much, but walking, Bruce tells Mary Beth he does not feel therapy is working. I know exactly where this is coming from.but we move forward. Incorporate the exercises and walking into daily routine.


I cut my work hours because starting today the 1/2 session goes to twice daily. Bruce knows it is just a matter of time, when the weather improves a bit, he is outside walking to add distance.


Today, he is a "pill". Knows he has to fit in two sessions of exercise but being Saturday, wants me to drive him around! doing errands. It is raining. I slid on the ramp. There is no getting in and out of the truck, so home early and someone knows he is now on deck - not me!


How do you quit after three weeks? Yes, he did it all including shower. But was so difficult and demanding! And this is not Bruce. I wanted to watch a movie, he insisted on the main TV so he could watch, then made it impossible for me to watch: bathroom, coughing, snack etc. Finally I just stopped it and proceeded with the afternoon routine he is comfortable with including prepping dinner at exactly 4pm - like he has ever missed a meal, but calculated the length of the movie and that did not fit into 4pm dinner prep. I can nuke a TV dinner in six minutes - but still have to start prep at 4pm.


I am thinking tonight that the request for independence and no caregiver means feeding Kira, then TV channel surfing until Ethyl gets home. That is not independence, that is zoning out, not facing reality, not working independently towards recovery.


We start again tomorrow. Debbie


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This is why I give up with Ray too. If he doesn't want it, it's not going to happen. He yells and makes a fuss, and is so obnoxious. I tell him, do you think I'm doing this for MY pleasure? I wish I did enjoy it but I'm as eager to drop it as he is sometimes.


Ray is funny with dinner time too, guess he always was with meals. Even at work, he refused to take the mandated noon break and ate lunch at 1:00 in his car instead. We HAVE to have "happy hour" (more like snacks than actual drinking) at exactly 5PM every day. And he HAS to remind me at 4:00 to start getting out the cheeses and dips to warm up. You're right, he plans his TV watching around it, and we can't go out shopping in the later afternoon because we might get home too late. Like at 5:02 or something. Well it's something for him to look forward to each day. Guess it could be worse.

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Charlie was co-operative in his own way but, walking, to him, meant 3 steps and sit. I had no time off and no help. You sound like you need time out before you burn out. I feel for you ... it's not easy and you need tlc, too.

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To get better the survivor has to do all they can daily to recover because it takes time lots of time. My wife told me she had to go back to work after so long and I needed to get better where I could care for myself much as possible. I got out that WC she was pushing and onto a scooter then started driving my car.


But after 5 months in the hospital I got discharged unable to walk and soon learned to walk with more therapy and every so often more therapy still and I was walking better and farther all the time.

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He was better today. Part of that may have been the weather. Saturday and Sunday are errand and grocery shopping days. We had rain yesterday, so errands were cut short.


I am trying to figure out when to schedule in that second exercise session. Today was easy because I was home all day, but with work during the week am trying to get a feel from Bruce when to fit it in.


He did everything. Didn't like it and the trade off was the AFO coming off after lunch. And there is always a compromise. But something positive. He stood by himself, with his hemi and walked to the bed solo - no spotting, no hands on. Could be he was just impatient, could be he really wanted to do it.


We start again tomorrow.

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Debbie lets hope he ( Bruce) hasnt got------ Danitis ------ LOL ---- dan could do so much more - but doesent want it, none of it...

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Debbie, you know, we may never really know the cause of slow process in the recovery process. Is it the individual or the deficits they suffered or the side of the body affected and what hand was the dominant hand and side.


I say that because I stayed 5 months on the rehab floor getting exercise and OT twice daily while I used a WC but still couldn't walk with my hemi walker or a cane. Was I afraid? No, it just didn't come to me. Probably where I was affected in the brain I guess.


Anyway, other survivors men and women came in stayed a short time and went home able to walk, all of them! That's when I was told by therapist each stroke is different where it hits in the brain causing you to respond to treatments fast or slower.


The persons desire to do better and get better by really working at it could be a factor too but in my case I wanted to go home and I did all I could to be able to get discharged and go to my house. Once home I kept working at walking and getting out that darn WC.


Maybe for Bruce and others too it will just take more time to recover for them but it does take work on their part to make it happen sooner like I did. Otherwise I can't see how I got up from a brain bleed soon as I did and started driving again but couldn't walk after five months of recovery in a rehab setting!

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Fred: I honestly think you hit the nail on the head. I was talking to Bruce tonight. How can four weeks ago, he be gung ho, contributing and now, ready to quit.


Fred, he really does not problem solve well. If I say "Bruce please take the dishes to the kitchen" he does, gladly. But if I don't say anything, they will sit there all night. Except, I think, if I were not present to remind, he may very well figure it out. And that was what I thought we were working on. Since I am here, there is no reason to think!


Not this week, but next week am going to consider leaving him for a couple of hours. I have to go to work. Bruce loves outings and it would break both of our hearts if I went shopping or on errands without him. So it has to be work. He'll have to feed Kira, get his sandwich out of his refrigerator and take his dinner meds. That will be enough for first trial. Debbie

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