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The goods come with the bads


AZ Leah

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blog-0768349001376093242.jpgHi all: A few weeks ago Ria emailed me asking where I had been; she hadn’t seen me in chat nor had she read a blog.I’ve been meaning to do another blog; I try to do them every 2 months and my last one was a little over 2 months.

Re chat, no, I haven’t been to chat in a while and I feel bad about that because it was fun and it was good for me when I was a new stroke survivor. Two years ago this month two things happened that changed me. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and it had metastasized all over the upper part of his body including his brain. He was in “good spirits”, aka denial and sincerely thought he was going to beat it with chemo, etc. He was very strong; worked out 5-6 days/week and had an excellent diet. Well he left the denial stage 3 days before he died (skipped right to acceptance) and went to our Lord October 23, 2011. In April when he was diagnosed I feel and ended up with a compounded fracture of L-1 vertebrae. They didn’t try to fuse it but I wore a brace for 6 months. This wasn’t easy, of course, while dealing with Jerry’s death and I went into pretty severe depression. Being that I couldn’t work out for those 6 months, I also went “backwards” and got weaker. My schedule hasn’t been very conducive to going into chat

Thank God I have a long-term care policy and so I have a caregiver 7 days a week for 6-1/2 hours/day. I can do quite a bit but I don’t drive anymore and I have chronic fatigue, no motivation or energy. I do get out for short work-outs with my trainer who I’ve known for years and Jerry trained with her too. I get my hair done as I can’t reach the back of my head and I wouldn’t want the caregivers to style it. Most people have stopped calling so it’s up to me. My 2 sister both came in March and spent a week with me and then my niece and her husband and 2 kids came last month for a brief visit. My back still bothers me but nothing can be done now. I try to focus on what I CAN do not what I CAN'T.

 

My niece, her husband and 2 kids came last month and we had a great, although short visit. I hadn’t seen her since my stroke and I hadn’ met her husband or his son. I've included a picture of the 4 of us. I have been VERY close with my niece since she was born but now they live in Ohio with no intentions of moving here and I don't travel any more due to many complications.

 

I’m going to count this as a blog!! I went to the reunion chat a couple weeks ago and will try at least 2x/month. I’ve called Kimmie a couple of times which has been good for both of us. Have you heard from Kathy Saul? I read most of the newsletters and noticed an article from her but didn’t contact her. Anyway, thank you again, for reaching out. I know a lot of people have it much worse than me; I think what really did it was my husband’s death plus I haven’t been the same since my 2 last falls. The first 3 ½ years of my stroke I constantly got better; that’s when I was driving. The last 3 ½ years haven’t been that good. I know all the right things to say but my brain is kinda stuck right now. More Later. And I pray for chat this Wed.

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What a lovely picture of you all. How fortunate to have that long term care policy. I really don't have anyone to help me here either, but at this point I can do it, so really would hate someone in my way, trying to 'help'. I do worry about later on down the road, though. He did have hospital income, since he was the bread winner. I think we got $1800 back from that for when he was in rehab. I don't know that I've met you before, but glad to see you are here, blogging :)

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Leah, every blogger is missed in this small community of ours. I know you have found it harder in the last few years so I understand when it seems too much effort. You are always in our thoughts.

 

Sue.

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Leah :

 

I am glad you came & updated us with your blog. great picture, you look good, you must be looker in your younger years for sure. I am so glad you had that long term policy it definitely creates less stress financially for sure. hope to catch u in our afternoon chats

 

Asha

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Thanks for your comments. And, Asha, you are so kind..yes, I was a "looker" when I was younger but didn't realize it! I will try to update more often.

Leah

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Hi Leah, I'm a survivor and can relate with you about having two bad falls and going through bad depression. I also feel I've slipped a little backwards in my abilities due to these events, but the important thing to remember is that you just have to keep on going, keep doing the stretches and exercises, stay active and esoecially to stay positive. All my best, Veta

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