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moan...sorry


swilkinson

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Sometimes it is hard not to moan. I know I no longer have Ray to look after but also I now no longer have someone to look after me. The kids have gone back to their lives and I welcome that but it leaves me without those advisors that helped me get through the caregiving part of my life so well.

 

Disaster struck here at home yesterday when I was away having a "day out" with Pamela and her children. I had had the little ones over night because Pamela had an early medical appointment yesterday morning. In return she had promised us all lunch out at one of our favourite spots. The morning tea was packed and we went to a nice park the kids love, with lots of climbing equipment etc and had it there. Then we went on down to The Entrance and went over to a water feature which is like a shallow wading pool with small statues and waterspouts in it where the boys could enjoy waterplay for a while. Tori could just read her book in peace and listen to her music as she often does here.

 

Pamela went off to get lunch and the boys played in the dry area. While she was gone storm clouds came over. She had just got back when suddenly torrential rains and strong winds swept down on us. The little ones screamed, it was so frightening. The crowds vanished, running back to their cars. As it eased off we did too, ran back to the car and started heading for here and our delayed fish and chips. But when we drew into the driveway my next door neighbour hurried to the car to tell us my cabin/shed up the back had lost it's roof in the bluster and it was all over his back yard. What a shock that was.

 

Pamela, being a sensible person, said to ring Emergency Services and then the Insurance company.Thank goodness for the great men and women from Emergency Services, they came, six of them, and secured my house roof that had lost some capping and put a canvas over the damaged part of the cabin roof. Today an assesor came and looked at the damage and will "be in touch". So I see my Spring and Summer fading into getting the roof back on, cutting down some trees now listed as "dangerous" and generally tidying up so that future storms do not do any further damage.

 

I think the new house on the western (bottom) side prevented my carport roof from shredding, being higher than my house, so something good came out of it. But the reshaping of the landscape also alters wind patterns so I don't know if this is a one-off or whether it will be repeated. That certainly gives me an uneasy feeling. I feel so dangerously alone sometimes. I know so far I have dealt with everything that comes my way but I do dread the day when something comes along that I cannot handle. It has left me with some very shakey feelings, I do feel so much more vulnerable as a widow. I am so far still seeing it as another change in life forced upon me, another uncertainty about life and my ability to handle it.

 

Okay, rant over.

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Sue, the good thing is that you got it handled, if only temporary. And the lesson is that everything can be handled. As you know I also am a widow but I have people to call who can fix just about anything and other people who I can cry on their shoulder, even if it is the Lord. The Lord will help us all alone the way and I KNOW you believe, like I do. Bless you. (It's okay to moan) Leah

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Sue you handled this, and with the help of others you will handle the next thing too. And yes, with the help of God, he is always there for you! Each time will get easier, the same way we adapted to stroke issues in our past. A new normal!

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Sue, I wish there was a way to bring you to the USA and give you the chair of the deck for your tea and serenity. You and your blogs have always been so inspirational and now that you need support, the only way I can help is in the offer of tea............. John

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Sue :

 

I know its scary feelings sometimes when we try to look too far in future & make ourselves sick with worries of whatifs. but I know this you are stronger than you think you are & God will provide you that inner strength & people in your life to get through whatever will come your way. just go with flow is my motto. yes you stay prepared for worst but then expect best & then go with flow.

 

Asha

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No fun at all --- sorry .......... reminds me of the time - dan was home we were still on the farm having renovations done... spring time the corner of the house was all ripped up basically a small swimming pool - we were leveling for cement... and here cam a HUGE storm rain and that pool just grew, and i though oh my god the basement is gonna leak and the electrical box is right there... so i was out digging a trench , running back and forth to the window where i could see dan- checking on him , digging the trench to drain the water while it was lightning... i was at the point of well if god strikes me then i guess it was my time ( i had told family in town to call and check on me every so often if no answer come and take care of dad) - to their credit they had no idea what a huge undertaking it was , but by the time they would have gotten out to the farm they would be to late to have really done any good.. it was a do it, and fast type of thing.... you are strong - Sue --- we all are , we are still standing.... a little broken, but standing...

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Sue: we talked in Chat last night about the new responsibilities being a Caregiver involves. And there is no way any of us signed on for this. I don't want to know about dirty, clogged gutters, trees coming down, squirrels eating through gas lines in the truck. But I do. Bummer!

 

What you are probably panicking about is the fact that you no longer have Ray to back you up - in any condition. He still knew and could talk you through it. And for that I have no basis because Bruce is still here. He can at least advise who to call. And that is part of the support system - whatever it involved - that is missing.

 

When we had the freak 30 inches of snow in 24 hours, everyone in the neighborhood had to adjust. My poor Gloria, across the street was away. Her new Sunroom was in danger and the beautiful bay window in the front of the house. I knew to call my Contractor - heck he was coming here anyway - LOL. But after 20 years of widowhood, she was in tears on the phone. All she could talk about was missing her Brian.

 

Just time honey and in all fairness, there obviously will be times when even the strongest and most accepting will falter. No one was home, no one hurt. For that I know you are thankful, but there is still the mess and the fixing. Trev can advise there, but in the end you will feel stronger making the decisions yourself. And Ray still sits on your shoulder and says "Good job my girl!" That I know. Debbie

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Sue, I think when something like that goes wrong it is scary for all of us. We have to take care of so much without any extra problems arising. I remember when my first husband passed, I lived in a close knit neighborhood then. We had an ice storm that caused my pipes to freeze and burst. That was terrifying. I called the neighbors and two of the guys came and fixed things. It seemed every thing that went wrong was magnified in my mind as I didn't know what to do.

 

I have a neighbor who's husband has Parkinsons. He is doing fine right now but she is preparing for when it might get worse. She is learning to reconcile the checkbook, pump gas into her car, etc. They even have brought the washer and dryer upstairs into a remodeled extra bedroom.

 

I fear when storms come also. I keep thinking what will I do if the windows blow out or what if we blow away before I can get Larry to the basement during a tornado?

 

Your emergency people will help I'm sure as well as your family. It's good you are in good health and can stay safe.

 

Bless you and take care,

 

Julie

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