I read all the blogs full of angst from many of you who are living in the twilight zone of caregiving and wonder why I do not feel happy and settled and glad not to be a caregiver now. But somehow I don't feel like that, life after being a long term caregiver is full of a whole new set of anxieties and problems. So I think that while we are full-time caregivers the problems just compound faster than in the rest of our lives.

Where does time go? Summer is flying by at a great rate. I seem to be fairly busy but a lot of that is due to Trevor and Edie moving as I have been there a lot. Love getting into the swimming pool on a hot day. I have Trevor here for a few days as he is cleaning the house now. It is important to leave it clean and tidy as your reputation as a renter is on the line and one day they will be (hopefully) back on the Coast again. Yes, I miss Edie and the children, who left here last Thursday to drive to Broken Hill. They arrived last Friday afternoon, and moved into the house on Monday morning, now they are busy making the rented house into a home.

Of course the furniture never fits as you want it to and that is another problem and although they labelled everything there are pieces missing that should have been in this box but are not. Edie rings Trevor with all her problems. I had to laugh at one side of the conversation yesterday about where the nuts and bolts for Lucas's bed would be. I though of Ray and I moving around on our own early in our marriage and then with one, two or three young children. I remembered one set of removalists wrapped the saucepan lids in towels and put them all into boxes marked linen, it took me months to find them all.

I feel as if my life is being censored at the moment. I went in to see the law firm about Mum's probate this morning as there had been a glitch, not my fault but I know who will get the blame. I tried to remain calm but in the end wanted to shout: "Just get this over with". Now I know why no-one wants to be the executor of a will. Too much paperwork! It is so hard to think that this is what our life comes down to, a statement of our little assets, dividing a lifetime of work into dollars and cents. I do not want this to be the end of my Mum and Dad's earthly life. It is so mercenary.

Had an emergency next door late last night. The dad of our next door neighbour is staying with him and the son had gone out to dinner thinking all would be well as his dad was settled in bed. The old father fell down the side of the wall next to the bed and got trapped there. I could hear a faint cry and that was him bellowing for help. I am glad I have keys as that meant I went over, saw where he was wedged and bellowed myself, for Trevor to come and help. We got him up and back into bed between us. It turned out that his Vitacall pendant was attached to the bed but at the angle he was at when he had slid down the side it was well out of his reach.

This morning our neighbour came in to say "thank you". I do shudder when someone says their parent would have gone into care if it were not for kind neighbours. A kind neighbour is often a little old lady like me. We are really willing to help but if Trev had not been here I would have had to call an ambulance. It makes me remember back to Ray's many hair-raising episodes and shudder again. My neighbour also asked for a list of nursing homes close by as his sister says they need to be planning for the future. Sad eh?

I am off next week to Shirley's and will be staying for a week. I don't know why it always seems difficult to find a mutually agreeable time but it does. My two grandchildren will no doubt fill my ears with their plans and hopes and dreams for the coming year. I hope so. I do so enjoy being with them and hope that the feeling is mutual. And it is nice to spent time with my daughter and son-in-law too.