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back home again


swilkinson

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I was down at my daughter Shirley's for just over a week.and as usual It was hard to come home, to leave the family that I have been having fun with and make the tiring journey back but I know that they have to go on with their busy lives and I am not able to stay. I still miss having someone here when I get home and I suspect I always will.

 

But this time I met a friend coming up the road to see if I was in and went to her place for a cuppa and a chat so all was well and I did have someone to tell about the past week. It made for a better homecoming. I was glad to get home but sad to see that as we had not had ANY rain while I was away some of my more delicate pot plants had given up on life. My next door neighbour did put the mail and papers inside so the house yard didn't look neglected but didn't think to water anything in the garden.

 

Once back home it didn't take me long to feel as if I had never left, doesn't that get to you sometimes that the happy times fade so fast? So on with life I go. Rang a few people to catch up on the latest news, read the blogs and did the blog report to the best of my ability. I rang Trevor at Broken Hill and they are having a heatwave, over 112 day before yesterday, and very hot all week. The people in places like Arizona know that well I know but their air conditioner on the house they rent is not working properly and they are really feeling the heat after the milder weather we have on the coast.

 

I got to thinking while I was away about how it is to feel inactive and still feel worthwhile. A few of my older friends are feeling this now particularly as they feel more housebound in our present weather. If they feel the heat and don't go out as much in summer it is easy to get something similar to cabin fever. It is caused by their isolation and the fact that through the holidays ( school is just back after six weeks of summer holidays) they hear from their family less than usual.

 

I was wondering if we should do a ring-around in summer, maybe from church, to see if everyone is okay? It is easy to just assume everyone is busy in summer, as we are, and not realise they are isolating themselves. I guess the same applies to those who are snowbound in the northern winter. What does it mean to be isolated and at an age when you no longer reach out to others, your contemporaries having gone, moved or just no longer ring, and how do we overcome that? I ask that question here as a lot of caregivers and survivors are in that position because of their circumstances and it is worth thinking about. It is another one of those "How do you show you care" questions.

 

I also realise I no longer anticipate good times. Those years of caregiving taught me not to expect a lot of life. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. I know it is better to take life as it comes, the bad mixed in with the good but in a way I want to return to that joy of living I had as a teenager ( once I got over the angst) and look ahead with hope. Maybe that will come in time. Only one letter among the mail, mostly government information letters and the usual bills to be paid so nothing to look forward to in that. Remember letters, those precious ones from your bestie" or your beau?

 

I rang the Broken Hill family and caught up with their news and then chatted with my other DIL on Facebook. It is a bitter sweet homecoming but I know how it will be now, no-one here to talk to and after being with one of my families I do really miss the household chatter. My little grand daughter particularly sitting next to me and saying "listen Granma" and sharing her day after school. That took me back to my own children coming home and sharing the news. Make me a bit nostalgic as she so reminds me of her Mum at the same age.

 

So I am glad to be back, looking forward to church ( I missed two Sundays) and the regular routine of life. We are still on daylight saving until April so still a lot of long summer days ahead but with no-one to share it with it is not quite the same.

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Sue,

 

I think the ring-around idea is great. And as well as brightening someone else's life, they may turn the tables and brighten yours. Regardless, it would help chase away the loneliness and bring a bit of being needed to a life-long carer like you.

 

I still anticipate good times as well as bad but I find if I'm not careful I place more significance to the bad than the good. I almost overlook the good because we humans expect it. Isn't that how things are supposed to be? So, I write about it. If someone makes me happy I tell them so, I sometimes seem mushy but so what? I seem to have no problem with expressing displeasure!

 

Sue, good times will come again but remember my signature line...I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.

 

Don't hide your light under a bushel ;)

 

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Sue, it is good to see you back. I'm glad you had a nice visit and remember, you can always go back. I'm sure you will find a lot to keep busy with at home.

 

I wish I had your summer here. I can take the summer better than winter. At least it is cool in the a.m. usually or cools off at night. This winter is terrible.

 

See you in chat.

 

Julie

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I also realise I no longer anticipate good times. Those years of caregiving taught me not to expect a lot of life. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. I know it is better to take life as it comes, the bad mixed in with the good but in a way I want to return to that joy of living I had as a teenager ( once I got over the angst) and look ahead with hope. Maybe that will come in time------------------------

 

 

, I hope so, I feel exactly like that ----- i try to "happy " and positive and certainly appreciate that quality in others --- it sure would be nice to actually anticipate good ( and i do a little) but i prepare constantly for the bad - since that "visits the most" .... good thought again... nancyl

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Sue: glad you are home safely and had a great visit. I do so know you were looking forward to it.

 

I too no longer anticipate good times, mainly because I am never "off duty." I do pray that you will find some path that you can share with those of us who may also have a hard time getting back there.

 

Every once in a while, with the radio on in the kitchen, I do get a flashback. Those days are precious.

 

So happy your visit was wonderful See you in chat. Debbie

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Sue :

 

I am glad you are back, I never anticipate good or bad times, I have always gone with flow. though now knowing bad times so up close & personal I appreciate & recognize good times & try to enjoy them knowing this shall pass too.

 

Asha

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Asha, as usual your advice is spot on. I should appreciate and recognize good times and store them away in my memory book. Maybe that is something I need to concentrate on now I am the only one doing some recreational event, Before Ray died all memories were shared, now I have to keep them myself and enjoy the moment and the memory. Thank you.

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Yes, it is interesting what strokes and caregiving does to our perspective on life. Before Lauren's stroke, I lived an active and busy life. Multi-tasking seemed essential and I often was concerned that I didn't fully live in any moment, just flew by to the next without savoring. I have often said that Lauren's stroke has definitely forced me to slow down and live in the moment. Whether challenged or joy-filled, I experienced each moment as it was. Sometimes savoring, sometimes certainly not.

 

Sue, you are on such a journey. Your last comment really captured me. Your memories used to be ones that were shared, probably even when Ray could hardly understand what you were relaying to him. Still, the sense of sharing with another was there. Now, they are held closer within. There is no good or bad to either one. They are different and each has its own rewards and losses. I only have the beginning of a sense of what that is like. I still can share things with Lauren even though he is no longer living at home with me. But I have the slightest awareness of emptiness that you have experienced this past year. By blogging when you can, you continue to teach us. I, for one, am blessed by hearing the process of healing you are going through. I wish you all the best. ~~Donna

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