I went to the neurologist yesterday. Of course the appointment was pointless. He does not want to see me again until I see the epileptologist. I asked him about the seizures and hormones. His only comment was to try to schedule another EEG when I think Im about to get my period so there can be a better chance of me having a seizure. I asked him if he thinks I should just go ahead and get the VNS but he said we need to make sure these are seizures first. He then asked me if I wanted to start vimpat (the seizure med the neurologist in charlotte was going to start me on). I was like I thought you just said you dont even think Im having real seizures? No I dont want to try another seizure medicine! I hate this guy. The only reason he doesnt think Im having seizures is because I always feel them coming and according to him seizures are supposed to be sudden.

I am very thankful everyday that I am seizure free and every night that I am seizure/parasomnia free. I always thank God when I get to where Im going and return home that I didnt have a seizure behind the wheel. Today I went back to yoga. It was cancelled last week because of the snow. I did my exercise routine before and after yoga. My instructor is so nice. It felt good rolling around stretching and discovering things I didnt know I could do.

Unfortunately I just wish I could live a normal life. I know there's no such thing as normal. but really I miss having my own apartment, making my own money, feeling independent. Watching daytime tv and going to the gym is great. but finding out SSA suspended my Disability with no warning, getting another Medicaid review through the mail, and getting a letter that I need to reapply for food stamps is just annoying. Sure I had days where I didnt want to be at work and I knew I didnt want to make a career out of what I was doing. But I dont want to live in poverty just because doctors are too lazy to fix whats going on in my brain. I worked so hard in work and at school to make sure I would always have the opportunity to get a job and be independent. Its just not fair that I dont have that option right now. I feel so worthless