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Trying to be positive



Thanks everyone for your comments. They really give me a lot to think about.

Wednesday on my way to the doctor, I had a panic attack while I was driving. My appointment was at 8:25 so I left early so i could dodge rush hour traffic but ended up getting stuck in rush hour and school traffic. I got to the office parking lot but I was in the wrong parking lot and it was a dead end. I figured I would just find a parking spot and just turn around but there were no empty spaces. I decided I would just have to back up the hill until I could find an empty space I could pull into and back up.


So I put the car in reverse and I was steering it back up the hill as best I could while watching for anyone that might pull up behind me or start pulling out from the parking spots on the sides of me and thats when it happened. I started to feel strange. I was not shaking, I didnt feel nauseous, and my heart wasnt beating fast but I knew something was wrong. I put the car in park and just sat there. I started to talk to myself wondering if I should call someone or let someone in the parking lot know what was happening. Then it stopped. Once I calmed down, I finished backing up, found a parking spot, pulled in, backed out, drove to the right parking lot and went to my appointment.


For the rest of the day I kept feeling flashes of dizziness. It continued yesterday and today. It feels like someone just took a picture of me with a flash on, like my brain just blinks off for a second. Its really annoying. Yesterday I went to cancel my gym membership. I felt so bad because I like exercising, doing yoga, and getting out the house. But until my SSDI gets reinstated Im trying to cut out unnecessary expenses and with the dizziness I have been too afraid to drive on days that I did want to go. (I have to take 2 of the busiest roads in the city to get there.)


So after I left there, I went to the pharmacy because I thought my baclofen was ready. When I got there the pharmacist said she had Abilify for me. I told her I did not want it. She tried to convince me, it is ok, those side effects are really rare, and the company is just required by law to list everything in the commercial. I still didnt get it but I was feeling so low i was thinking about starting the samples.


After I left the pharmacy I decided to just stay home because the dizziness was just too much. Then I got the call that my paranoid schizophrenic mom had tried to attack some of my family members and was at the mental hospital. I just could not stand to be alone in this room with so much on my mind so I went to a friend's house for Bible study. I am really glad I went. I vented to her about everything and I am thankful I made the 45 minute drive to her house in 5:30 traffic safely. I felt like I couldnt take any more stress but once I got home from her house I was just thankful to be home safe and that none of the dizziness turned into seizures.


I started reading Joyce Meyer's Power Thoughts today and here are some notes I wrote so far

  • Start telling myself "I realize that life is not perfect but with God's help, I am going to be stable even through the storms of life."
  • Trials are temporary. It will get better.
  • Learn not to respond to trials with anxiety and fear. Don't think excessively about problems.
  • Keep things in perspective. Have power over my circumstances instead of letting them have power over me.
  • Stop being so pessimistic. Forget Murphy's Law. Tell myself "If anything good will happen to anyone, it will happen to me!"
  • Look at things as a whole. Stop dwelling on the negatives so much that I overlook the positives.
  • Overcome bad thoughts with good thoughts. Speak the opposite of what Im feeling (i.g when Im feeling fearful, tell myself I am courageous.)
  • Don't focus so much on trying not to think bad thoughts. Instead just think good thoughts
  • Renew my mind every day with a 10-minute thought session about things bothering me, my anxieties, and fears

I really like this book. I hope I can actually apply it so I can change my pessmistic depressing thought patterns.


Oh yeah my gynecologist said that research shows that birth control pills metabolizes seizure medicine so I could have more seizures on birth control. I wasnt taking real birth control before. I was only taking a mini-pill due to my history of stroke but she told me it still probably wont help. I was feeling so hopeless when I left there but I am just going to try and be positive that my break through is coming


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Very, very cool you talked yourself down. Not the end of the world about your gym membership, that you can always sign up for again.


Keep thinking those positive thoughts, you'll just thinking them naturally without having to do it purposely after a while.




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Katrina :


I love joyce meyers books & messages. I strongly believe in power of positivity. I think once you follow it through, it becomes your second nature & life becomes so much easier. you are on right path katrina follow it through & you will find solution soon.





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