I wanted to add more to my last entry but I didnt want it to get too long so I decided to write another one. I appreciate your comments. Oh yeah I wanted to make a correction. I am taking 1500 mg a day again not 1750. The last time the neurologist switched me to 1500 he put me on 750 mg twice a day. This time he just told me to chop up my 500 mg tablets and take 1 and a half twice a day. I had a anxiety attack after taking my meds this morning. I had to sit down and put my head down but after I took my clonazepam I felt better really relaxed.

After I left the doctor yesterday, I applied for an income based apartment. The ladies at the office were really nice and showed me the vacant handicap accessible apartment. Once my application gets approved I can move. I will only be about 15 minutes from my dad and not even 5 minutes from my best friend (my cousin.) I am excited about moving back to my own place and being able to sit in my living room again instead of laying in my bed all the time worrying about seizures. I feel very hopeful that this new medication regimen will help and my EEG in April will bring answers and more successful treatment this time.

You guys really helped me with your comments. When I moved to Charlotte I became spiritual but not religious. I was raised that anything that wasnt evangelical christianity was the devil so I became really interested in learning about other religions when I found out there are other faiths that still worship God. Life was really good. I was not worried about burning in hell for every sin and feeling guilty and ashamed for not being the best christian everyday. I viewed God as a loving spirit. I believed in positive thinking. I got everything I wanted. I wouldnt say I "spoke it into existence" but I did speak as if I already had everything I wanted and I got it. I decided to go back to this way of thinking. Instead of begging God for everything I want, I decided to just follow Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing but in everything with prayer and supplication let your request be made known to God."

I have been speaking positively all day and my arm has not been feeling so weird. The only times I thought I would have a seizure is when I thought about having a seizure. I dont feel like I have to make deals with God or beg him to make me seizure free. Today I was actually able to focus on other things. Its so easy to complain when things are going bad but we usually forget to just realize and be thankful for the good. So today I am thankful that my arm wasnt feeling weird every second, I felt peace today instead of worry, and I was able to lay in my bed without thinking i was going to have a seizure every second. I hope I can keep this mood up no matter what happens.