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I Am Thankful For My Stroke


tjade802

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I had just had an amazing baby girl, I had 2 other just as amazing kids. We just bought our dream house and I had my dream job. I was a nurse at a perinatalogy research clinic. I loved everything about my life. Well that was short lived. I woke up on a tuesday morning, got out of bed and somewhat tripped. Just thinking I slept on my leg wrong. I went down stairs to find my Boyfriend feeding our one week old daughter, and my other two kids getting ready for school. I finish them up and get them in the car to take to school. At this time Im limping, with some pain. I brush it off. Head back home after dropping the kids off, which I normally don't do. I usually stop by my parents but for some reason this day I didn't. I have about a 15 minute freeway drive, and every so often i would excel the gas not knowing and think thats weird, again Brush it off. When I got home I sat down and it hit me.....My leg was really bad. My boyfriend asks if Im ok and I tell him whats going on. He thinks its nothing. All of a sudden my leg is numb, I don't feel a thing....Then my arm. He looks at my face and can tell something is wrong. He jumps up as I am falling over. I could talk and hear and I knew exactly what was going on, But I was in shock thinking "There is no way Im having a stroke, I didn't have any of the normal signs they teach you and Im only 30" He threw me and my daughter in the car and drove like a mad man. We get to the hospital and I tell him, "Im fine, take Reece to the sitter and come back when you are done" He leaves.

 

Jump about 45 mins later, I already had my C.T scan and seen my Neurologist. I hear him come in. He looked so concern and it broke my heart to see the pain in his face. When he asked what was happening I actually felt bad telling him because I knew he would break down. Now mind you he is this big, bad Police Officer that is covered in tattoos lol. When I explained that I had had a 3 cm bleed on my brain he lost it. He didn't know what to do, He just kept saying "ok...its ok...I love you...its ok" OVER and OVER. Then he went out of my room and thats when I heard what I never thought I would. He was crying so hard. It was then that I knew I couldn't let him see me upset. I had to get us both through this as well as my kids.

 

The next 24 hours were rough. I got a very bad migraine and it took hours to get rid of it. Family and friends came all night long and brought Scott food. Everyone of them crying and trying to understand what was going on...and then me just smiling and saying Im fine. I finally got out of the E.R and into a room. It was hard not being able to shower myself. i think at first that was what almost broke me.

 

My Neurologist is very straight forward, doesn't sugar coat anything, and speaks to me and my family like people. He told me in the E.R the day before that the stroke I had is the one that usually kills you. That my bleed was so big that he is surprised I could talk and understand people. He told me that the next few days will be touch and go. He also told me this Stroke if survived has the best recovery rate. That gave me hope.

 

From that day on I never cried, Or let myself get down. I would have a couple mini melt downs but said "nope, this is not going to take anymore from me" My Boyfriend was and has been right next to me since that day and I am so lucky. My kids who at the time were so scared and confused why I was in the hospital for almost 2 months, Never gave up on me either. My friends are the most amazing friends you could have.

 

Im on the road to recovery, every day is hard. But I make sure to be thankful I am here. I can't work anymore and that means I get to be home with my family and watch my kids grow. I get to wake up every day and enjoy what I do have, and not what I don't. Yes I have horrible days of pain, panic attacks, headaches, exhaustion, and confusion. But I have to deal with those. Nothing is easy and this stroke is for sure the hardest thing I have ever been through, But Im making it mine. Im not letting it take anything more from me. So Yes I am thankful for my Stroke, It has let me slow down and see the beautiful things that are out there. It has allowed me to raise my kids. It has allowed me to start a new life.

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You have a wonderful look at life. The stroke, lets you stay at home with your kids, for me my stroke let me see my grandkids more which i love. You are correct, look at what you have gain anot what you have lost. Listen it is okay to have a cry and vent seessions, got to get it out. When i am by my self, I cry, scream, and just lost it. I feel so much better, and my blood pressure goes down!

 

It is hard, but my Parents always say " if it does not kill you it makes you stronger". You go girl!

 

Yvonne

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Wonderful story and outlook on life. Yes, please do keep us updated. And big hugs and kisses to those babies. Debbie

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I've read many people who've said the same - their stroke gave them more chance to see what they would have missed if they had kept going the way they were going. Happy are those who can see the blessings!

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Shanon :

 

It's so good to read your blog & meet you yesterday. I feel the same way about my stroke & I know that makes life so easy.

 

Asha

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