I have been very busy today, I am tired but that wound up kind of tired you get when too many things have happened. I went to my friend's son's funeral today, he was only 47 and died of cancer, leaving a wife and three small children,so sad. I had known him since he was two, seen him grow up, his mother and I became firm friends. He and his brother and two sisters often visited and he played with my kids, particularly the boys. Even when we lived away for ten years we and his family kept in touch, visited and participated in each others lives. Of course, as happens these days they went separate ways from high school on. There were many young people at the funeral plus his parents' friends, his wife's friends etc. It made me think about how we support those in grief.

I have not lost a child so although I will support his mother in every way I can I cannot know the depth of her grief, all I have to offer is my continuing friendship and support as she goes through this. Her husband is one of those laughing on the outside people and I know will not seem like he needs to talk, but if he does I will offer my silence as much as possible, my love and support is for their whole family. I love them as you do those who have been true friends over decades.

I have been down to my daughter's place, I went by train as usual and she brought me home by car as the funeral was 11am and I could not get back home, pick up the car and be over to the Crematorium in time. It is a three and a half hour drive from her home to here so we left pretty early. It would have been easier if I could have done my usual train journey but circumstances alter cases and so her bringing me home turned out to be the viable solution. The bereaved family were pleased to have her at the funeral. With her loving ways she has always been popular among my friends as well as having many friends of her own.

She asked me to come down although I don't usually go there in the middle of winter as her ten year old daughter had been complaining that other people in her class had grandparents to coming to the concert and Grandparents' Day and she didn't. I can't be there next week but I was there Wednesday night to go to the concert, that will have to be enough. When your children move away they should factor in the fact that you as a grandparent cannot be there for all the important milestones, tough as that can be, the distance is an obstacle we cannot always overcome.

I did enjoy the time with them even though as it was wet, cold and windy, much like the weather here but a few degrees colder. There was quite a heavy frost this morning and as the days are still short we didn't have not much opportunity to get outside. I did catch a few sunny rays Tuesday afternoon before the clouds rolled in once more. The grandchildren both had colds so no big hugs or snuggles as my daughter didn't want me to catch cold so we were all pretty quiet, even the pets. It will be a better time to go for a visit when the days lengthen out and it is a bit warmer.

There have been a few ongoing meetings on the support role played in the Church by the Mutual Care Team and today, just back from the funeral, I went to another one. If you listened it sounds like just more words but we are gradually working on a strategy to try and ensure that everyone in the congregation and the extended church in the form of those who do not regularly attend but do come to church to one or more of the groups also feel included. We are hoping we can reach out to them and provide them with help and support when they need it. It is a big task.

So how do you provide ongoing support? My idea is to stay in touch with as many people as possible, hand over care to others when appropriate and keep asking if what we are doing is what people want. I don't know if I am on the right track here but I hope other people will give me feedback so I can measure results. Though not being able to measure your result or getting much feedback seems to be the norm in churches. You only get feedback if you do it wrong.

In the family, in the neighbourhood and on here I try to offer appropriate support and feel as if this is right for me most of the time. We all have doubts about the effectiveness of what we do I know and I try not to make that the focus of my life. I try to do it in a way that enriches me as the giver as well as the one who I give support to. Don't know how often that works out the way I plan though. Sometimes I am operating in the dark, uncertain of what to say and what should be done.

Throughout Ray's illness I participated in support groups and still do. I was grateful to those who supported me and know that without their support I would have gone under, overcome by the work load, the pain and the suffering of Ray, and the emotional turmoil I went through as his caregiver and still in some ways the family supporter. It was very tough at times. But I believe that through all of this I grew as a sensitive and caring human being. I believe that what I experienced was not for nothing but that the things I learned can be useful to others. Those others are a part of the many groups I participate in. And I do believe the care is mutual, for when I give I also receive.