well.... if you know how you feel, then you know how all the other stroke people felt too.   Everyone is overcome thinking of all the things they can no longer do.  It does get better.  My hubby had a massive stroke and lost ground in all functions, but is happy and we have a good life.   I am his full time caregiver and consider myself blessed that he is still in my life and that he is not one of those hateful strokers, but co-operative and willing to do his therapies.   You still have a life ahead of you, just a different version!   The first year is definitely the hardest.   Welcome to our group, you can learn a lot here.

Thanks sandy ,I really trying to overcome all this stuff and it's really hard to do ,I have decided to go to my doctor and talk about some med's for my depression,I think that will help some at least I hope,It will, well i do therapy 's twice a week learning to walk again,I can walk with a quad cane very slowly thanks for listening

I am very surprised you are not on meds already.    These days most strokers are put on right away, because in the face of their losses, they can not escape the sorrow to work at their full capacity to recover.   When Bob was about 6 months along, I tried to take him off his 20mg of citalopram.  That was a bad mistake, he changed from his positive, willing to work self (more like the person I knew before) to a person overcome with misery and in deep anguish.   I put him right back on, and he was good again.   This is not the kind of drug that makes you loopy and in la la land, it just gives you your mind and will back, without all that mental pain.    He is 2.5 years along now, and has recently went off it, with no bad affect.  

Thanks for the info ,yes I am on drugs already for my anxiety not depression I just keep sinking lower and lower,my sister is here to take care of me,so I think that's part of it I feel really inadequate ,with her here ,cooking and cleaning things I used to do for my husband I can no longer do .....I'm making his life a living hell and I don't want to do it,I want to be my happy self again and have a happy home again,thanks for listening again !!

Has he told you that you are making his life a living hell?   I'm guessing not.   Bob is often insecure feeling about this same subject.   He watched me doing every job (his and my own) and feeling bad that it was all on me now.   He said, why do you don't you just put me in a nursing home, at least you won't have to take care of me all day, then?   I replied, because of the reward.   He looked at me with a question on his face, and I said, 'as long as I can do all this, I get to have you here with me - you are my reward.'

Sure, everyone has a different couples dynamics, and women are usually deeper thinkers/feelers than men, but don't assume that he's not just really happy you made it thru this and are still around!

hi Akmom :

welcome to best online stroke support group reading your blogs & comments feels like what I was feeling after my stroke. I stroked at age 34 which left me paralyzed on my left side & retired me from the job I loved. My whole family rallied around me at that time. my husband & mom would have rolled me into cotton & would have kept me on bed so that I will never get hurt again. My sister came from India to be with us & took over my cooking duties rest were picked by hubby, after she left hubby hired full time help they all were trying to help me, but it led me into more depression, since I did not have reason to get out of bed, though once I started doing more in the home & hubby started realizing I will be safe he backed off, once I got rid of help everything changed for good in our life, I got my reason to get out of bed, yes it took me longer time to do same thing I could do it quickly but who cares I have the time, & as long as job gets done its one less job for hubby & slowly he also realized power of it. I think once you start participating & taking over more things at home, they will back off.

Asha