Betsy, well at least your vision problem hasn't stopped you from writing quite eloquently. And since it hasn't been all that long since you had your stroke I would think there is still time for healing to correct the vision problems. If not, I am sure you will adapt. You seem the adaptable type.

In my wife's early post-stroke days she had problems following lines of type in a book, magazine or newspaper. We provided her with a straight edge so that she could read, which she always enjoyed very much. Slowly that problem began to disappear without us really even noticing. Today she has no trouble reading and that straight edge has been discarded.

Here's to healing.

Ron

Hi Betsy,

Re: Public Speaking:

I was drafted into the armed service at the age of 18 during WW11. At the  time, I was given the option of joining the marines or the navy. I stated I wanted the army infantry, as my brother was a patrol leader fighting his way through the Pacific and I was anxious to seek revenge at the enemy.. So in true army fashion,I was placed in the air force. I made several attempts to transfer to the infantry, but settled for being scheduled for training as a gunner and radio man in the B29 buildup for an attack on the cities of Japan.

Japan surrendered on the same day I completed basic training and I was considered surplus personnel to be discharged after serving 18 months. This left me feeling frustrated and inferior as I guided seasoned veterans through the discharge process on their return to the U.S.

Following my discharge, I returned to my high school to gain my diploma. It was in my English class that I raised my hand, as the first volunteer, to read my essay at the head of the class. My confidence collapsed as I struggled through the reading with a shaky voice and hands, squeezing out words painfully after prolonged gaps. I was completely humiliated in front of a class of returned veterans, many of whom fought overseas for as long as five years. The teacher gave me an A plus, aloud. Rather than accepting this as encouragement, I took it for the pity of my stage fright episode. The title of my essay was,”How to Overcome Shyness.” F.or the next 19 years, I never spoke up in classes or meetings.

Upon receiving a promotion to officer in charge of a bank loan department, I was expected to give monthly reports before the board of trustees and other bank officials. I was faced with a dilemma, should I refuse the promotion or leave the job. I learned the bank would pay the tuition for Dale Carnegie's speaking course. I was assured at the registration when I half jokingly stated that I was afraid I might faint in front of the class, with the retort of “Don't worry, the instructor has two able bodied assistants who will catch you”.

To my surprise, I was awarded a Carnegie pen for the best speaker of the session. Soon after, I was elected class president What was anticipated as a dreaded experience (It is said that the fear of public speaking exceeds the fear of death by many) became challenging and fun, boosting my confidence considerably.

However, I was left feeling frustrated. A Carnegie class is excellent to overcome the initial fear of speaking, as the class is comprised of others with the same problem, thereby offering empathy and encouragement. But now that I overcame the initial fear, I wanted constructive criticism and analysis.

It wasn't until a few years later that I chanced upon an article in a local paper seeking members for a Toastmasters' club. I had no idea what to expect when I attended my first meeting, but soon realized

this is exactly what I was seeking. A dinner evening of good fellowship with analysis, constructive criticism, educational materials and 40 planned speeches ranging from 3 minutes and progressing to 20.

When one succeeds in making his/her 40^th speech, that person is qualified as an Able Toastmaster. I gained considerable confidence and became an activist in business and civic circles, serving as a trustee on several boards and making speech engagements as well as founding Toastmaster clubs and a Kiwanis club. I taught a course on communications at the American Banking Institute (actually the emphasis was on public speaking, but not publicized to invite students fearful of speaking publicly).

I incorporated elements of Dale Carnegie, Toastmasters and the “Person Centered Approach” which I was trained for by the late Dr. Carl Rogers, famed psychologist. The results were highly successful with all students making excellent strides.

I apologize for going on at great length about speaking accomplishments. I hope I don't sound too boastful about what was decades in my past. I am far from that person today with age and post stroke taking their toll. Certainly, if I were to face a group today, with shaking voice and hands my first words would probably be,”I forgot what I wanted to say!.”

So much for me. What I am leading to is “YOU” I think you should change your user name to “Plucky Betsy.” I am sorry you suffered a stroke at such an early age. You obviously have a very high IQ and a mind that trips over it's self with so much to say. Nervousness when speaking before groups is a given. Toastmasters has a saying, “We all have butterflies in our stomachs, but Toastmasters teaches them to fly in formation.”

If you have a Toastmasters club in your vicinity, it may not be a bad idea to visit as a guest. In an introductory talk, reveal your plight and desire not to be floored by your setbacks. I know in my past that members are a very supportive group and believe they will continue to be so today. I believe you have a lot to offer and if your condition allows, the experience may not only be growthful, but therapeutic.

Thank you for your kind words in reply to my prior posts. I was unable to respond at the time and am unable to retrieve it as I wanted to comment on an interesting point you made.

Regards,

AJ

Thank you Ron for holding up hope for me to grab onto.

AJ I am so impressed with your life so far and I thank you for taking the time to encourage me. I would sing the national anthem if I could just hop in the car and drive to the stadium and walk up the podium. No that's a complete lie and I would take being shot at dawn over singing that.

I am impressed you trained with Dr Carl Rogers because he is one of my idols.

Hi Betsy,

Glad to hear you are familiar with Carl Rogers, but not too surprised. You mentioned that you held workshops, what type?

Carl ( he preferred being called by first name without title) was a brilliant, extraordinary  being, humble and spiritual. I was fortunate to have participated in several "Person Centered" encounter groups in the early seventies, through the Center For Interpersonal Growth, founded by Curtis Graf, Phd. I was honored to be on staff with Carl on two occasions.and completed a two year program, sponsored by the Center.

My experience through Carl, led me to facilitate groups within my bank composed of members representing the various departments and levels from tellers to president. This was a daring attempt at the time for such a conservative setting, (Carl warned me that it might be very risky) . However, I had the president's support as he wanted to improve communications within the bank.. The results were very satisfactory. The president even allowed for payment of my two year tuition for the Center and stated that my communication groups could be extended beyond Long Island and throughout the State. Sadly,as the result of a merger, the groups were discontinued..

The Person Centered concept could bring peace and understanding to the world, if only greed and ideology would allow it.

Supposedly, elderly people dwell on past memories. I have not, as past episodes feel like they occurred to another person. It surprises me that some of my past arose to the surface in reaction to your posts. Upon examining the reason, I concluded that your openness, inquisitiveness and free association style of your writing, brought to mind that period between my mid-forties to mid-fifties when I experienced considerable growth. Thus my remark that your appreciation of Carl Rogers did not surprise me.

While I momentarily enjoyed the reminiscence, a cold awakening echoed in my mind, excerpted out of context from the Beetles' "Yesterday," the phrase,"I am not half the man I used to be!" To draw comparisons with the past may bring some solace to some, but it just intensifies my feeling of loss and makes it more difficult to accept my house-bound isolation.

I sense a drive in you that will turn water into wine or anyway, lemonade out of the lemon that was served you. Go girl!

AJ

Dear AJ,

we are all half the man we used to be at some point for even before I had the stroke I was surrounded by those half my age which isn't so flattering for us women anyway and now I would gladly take that half and now feel I am a fourth the man I used to be. Ok that is corney but it is just that we feel loss all along this journey of self-growth and finding the joy takes some doing. All I know is that you may be housebound now but thanks to the internet your words and spirit soar on wings and such limitlessness is experienced just through a shared understanding and that is the gift I received from you and all those who have kindly replied to my message in a blog.

I am truly sorry if it caused you pain. I am sorry that it feels like it was a past belonging to someone else because it is experiences worth recalling and reclaiming. wow impressive. It is part of the tradeoff though that in return we find it hard to live up to the next step, hard to let go of the past and when we do we kinda hold on to things better left to soaring and eliminate all trace of things we would benefit from knowing.I am envious that you have the memories. I thought I would get more time and make more and then I feel selfish for saying so because I have had a good run too here but I am not ready to be finished though. 

Don't be sad because even from the chair in front of the internet you are a mighty force and I bet that when it is all tallied you are double the man you used to be.

PS. Just did some work with at-risk teens  or some internship work and stuff like that. easy stuff and I always found doing it in real life less stressful than doing a class presentation in front of peers even when they are supportive and nice. LOL.