You are describing my Ray during most of his time after the fourth stroke in 2005 which is when I came on here.  A lot of my early blog posts talk about this subject.  I even posted one about a social worker who suggested that it was all my fault, that if I just approached Ray in the right way he would be happy to do his exercises as he had told her so!

What changed was that I insisted my helpers exercise Ray.  They were paid workers and had to do what the paymaster (me) said. Some of them didn't take kindly to it and said things like "he was tired this morning so let him off" so I would explain once more that no walking meant no shopping, no outings, no holidays, no visits to friends etc and in the end most of them did ten minutes worth of exercises with him.  I had a list of his exercises, demonstrated them to the worker, then got the worker to go through them with Ray. If this all sounds like hard work it is but worth it in the long run.

Judy :

I am sorry that Ray is not inclined to his exercises. I know for me if I don't see immediate results or benefits I never found any reason to do them. Though for me  I was able to walk so I did most of my exercises on treadmill, stationary bike & shoulder exercise on door pulley. Though what I found for me was when I integrated  my exercise in my daily routine I did them religiously & I ended up looking forward to doing them. I feel doing them regularly made me not deteriorate even further. I wish I had kept doing my e-stims & other hand exercises but I never saw any immediate value in them. tell Ray more he can do you guys will be able to take vacations & still live somewhat normal life.

Asha

Judy: I too have difficulty finding anything to motivate Bruce. It is obvious now, and I have accepted it, that walking is not important to him. I still insist on the AFO because his affected foot is turning and if he can not move himself in the WC, he knows he is headed to a SNF.

Everything in the main house is set up for Bruce to function from the WC. I see pix of other's homes and they still have their carpets, end tables, coffee tables, knick knacks. Not here at Chez Spark-bare minimum so that he can move about freely in the WC.

But if you look back on a lot of our blogs, this seems to be our common thread. Finding something, anything to motivate our loved ones besides the damn TV remote.

I have no answers for you. I do insist on the yearly paid therapies because that is all Bruce is going to do. I insist he manage himself in the WC as best I can. There are some surfaces he has to be pushed over, but I try to find other pathways or entrances so he has to do the work. He has his chores here at home: dishes, folding laundry and putting his away, cleaning his table and most of his BR.

We are 5 1/2 years post and I have finally reached acceptance on some things. Like Sue, there are no treats or rides (Bruce loves to go on errands, anything to get out of the house) if his work is not done. I can challenge him cognitively because that is the one thing he does embrace: making lists, helping with the checkbooks and finances, setting up the groceries and coupons. And a lot of this he can do with little supervision. But - and here is the kicker - he has to be told. Finding things to do independently seems to just be beyond him now. He will do anything I ask, but that is the exhausting thing for me because I am living life for both of us.

I retired in August and no longer have caregivers in for Bruce. But like Sue, that was really the reason I had caregivers - to exercise with Bruce. The first two years post I had someone in four hours in the morning and four hours in the afternoon-every day including the weekends when he did not have Outpatient OT/PT. Would I do it again? Yes, because I needed the time to get this house in order and things worked out to accomodate our new Stroke lives and also to teach me how to help take care of him.

You push the best you can. It is imperative that you rest when he does - you are doing double-time. And find some time for yourself. He is either going to do it with you or not and those boundaries only you can decide for you and Ray. There is no right or wrong. You and Ray will find a life that will work (most of the time LOL) for both of you. A very long time ago, way before Bruce was in my life, my Mom said to me "Debbie, you have to learn to pick your battles." I must say that has been my saving grace in all of this Stroke Recovery. You know you both are in my prayers.

Judy, this seems to be a common trait for our spouses.  Larry has not been very motivated to exercise.  Before the stroke, he would go to the Y twice a week and work out.  He will do everything the PT tells him to do - when he is there.  At home, it is a different story.  He mainly does a few his PT has suggested, and does those every day.  When our helper comes twice a week, I have him work with Larry on his exercises while I am gone.  You just have to push as much as you can.  Larry also is a TV bug.  I have said to him as well "no TV until you do something else".  Whatever works.

Take care and get some time to yourself,

Julie