Thank you to everyone for listening and for giving me advice of what to do next. My Christmas Wish for everyone is find some peace and rest in the midst of chaos.

I am up in the wee hours of the morning as usual waiting for the pain pill to comfort me.

I am visiting with the ghost of christmas past and we are sharing some smiles and tears over a diet pop.

I never saw today coming. It is so unfair I say and the universe responds so what.

I am grateful to be sitting here today alive and able to be on the computer and I have a thousand other blessings especially this cold pop which eases the impact of the mega diuretic side effect of dry parched mouth in the middle of the night. I don't do fizzy pop much and I admit that I actually squirreled this one away ok so I have a few more hidden for another middle of the night craving.

I will enjoy it when they open gifts I shopped for and I love surprise wrapped up things no matter what it is. I would love a rock if it was in a designer gift bagLoL but I always get some nice things. I was already given a very special MOM bracelet today and a pair of matching earrings which I may never take off because that is the most most precious thing is to be acknowledged for my role as a mother. In fact that is my entire identity no matter what else I have done. I just feel like such a burden and such a grouch sometimes that it is nice to know I am loved. They love me they really love me. sometimes I wonder why and how.