Did you miss me? I just came back from Broken Hill where I had a week with my younger son. I went up to support him when he went to the Family Court to gain access visits with his daughter Alice. It is so sad that a marriage break-up causes such pain, not just to the couple but to their families as well. I have really missed seeing her and talking to her on Skype. It is a difficult journey in a way but I am glad I went as he said it had made a difference to him.

I got to spend Thursday with my grand daughter Alice, last time I was able to do that was almost a year ago. She is a lively two and a half year old and at the end of the ten hours Trev had her for I think all three of us were worn out! She took some pictures with my camera and I put some on Facebook, it is like a little view into her world. I was so glad the Judge said the access could start right away so I got to spend that day with her as I flew home the following day.

Where Trevor lives it is semi arid, almost a desert and I think I learned a valuable lesson there. The homes are often old miners cottages which have been added onto and made more modern but are still simple in style. I looked at how Trevor has furnished his home and it is very simple yet serviceable. I need to simplify my own home to make it easier to live in and easier to feel relaxed in. He said it is time to get rid of what I don't want and just keep a few things that I feel have real value for me. It is another way of saying that I need to declutter my life and I do. I need to look at what I want and how I want to live. It is hard to do I know but it is time for that review.

It is a time of change, for my son who now sees himself as a part-time single Dad and to me as I ease further into the single life. I know nothing has been resolved but the good days, the days without tears, now far outweigh the bad days. Sure I am sometimes going to feel lost and lonely but other times I am going to feel confident making a decision and happy with the results. After almost two and a half years I still look back longingly to being a wife and a daughter but I am still a mother, grandmother, neighbour and friend to many, a volunteer in my church and on here and many other things. It is just I am also Sue Alone.

My work in the church will change as I think the panel have a new minister in mind. It will be a while before we, the plebs, are told who he/she is and when he/she will take over the reins but whoever it is will make changes to the ministry team and that might mean changes to what I do now. That is okay, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I have made big life changes before so what is one more...lol. I know I can pull back if I need to. The ability to say yes or no to a decision does make a difference. I couldn't always do that when Ray was alive, so now I can.

I have a joke with my children that I have not found them a step-daddy yet. I don't expect to really. Such relationships are complicated and buying into a family with families of their own is a daunting task. I have a few friendships in mind but nothing is happening in any of them right now. Aussie men are marriage shy and that is what it means to have a relationship as a Christian woman - marriage. So that is probably not a part of my future.

I do have friends in real life and in cyberspace, I do have good neighbours, old school friends I am still in touch with and acquaintances that I have collected in my life who I still hang onto and hope to drag into my future. I do not give up easily on friendships. But I am 67 not 17 and have to think about life on that basis. I can survive alone. I have done so for the past four and more years as I lived here alone while Ray was in the nursing home. It is so hard to let go of a companionship that was built up over 44 years. I still miss that man of mine..