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how every one handles their grief differently in west & in east


HostAsha

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in our latest trip to India to be with our family in this grieving time I realized how every one handles grief differently. I could see my sister in law still in denial & talking about my brother-in-law as if he is still alive, and keeps herself busy with housework & doing rituals after her husband. She was not comfortable talking about her feelings & emotions like I do. I guess so blogging for her will not be good healing tool. On the other hand I like to talk about what I am feeling so blogging was perfect tool for my healing lol. Of-course in east she is surrounded by lot of family support, her children & all brothers & sisters were constantly visiting. after looking at all rituals hubby told me don't do any of these rituals for me I told him those rituals r one giving her comfort,luckily for him I have been away in west for too long to know any of those rituals & I deal with grief differently than lot of people. for me talking it out with friends & family helps, I told hubby after I go it does not matter what you do now at this point in my life I don't mind if he choose to remarry provided our son is fully taken care of lol.

 

Asha

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You are so right Asha.  On the other hand sometimes we do wallow in grief a bit.  I know that is true for me anyway. So glad you were able to be there and join in the mourning process with your family.

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Yes there is a difference but then again we have plenty of ritual here in the west too.  Rituals give comfort and make the living feel they have marked the life of a loved one. Some people want to have their final send off and others don't. I think it does depend on so many different things but some people may not feel they have a choice to choose what to do or not do because of what others expect.  I remember in our family so many bitter fights and feelings over things about funerals.  personally I prefer if no one knows I died. Just carry on.  The ones that love me will remember me and love me still and the others will want to snoop around some more lol!

I agree Asha when we go on that final journey we only hope loved ones are fully cared for and that is the worry and planning. 

Whatever one believes about rituals and ceremonies about death, I think we share the universal feelings of sadness.

 

When we come so close to death of a loved one we are reminded that we have time limit as we are now which helps us live more fully I hope.

I will pray for your sister in law and hope you do not have to deal with it Asha.

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