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Inappropriate or Not?


srademacher

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Gary was always a man of few words pre-stroke, and still is post stroke, but not by choice. Unfortunately, sometimes the few words that he does speak can at times be inappropriate - he doesn't seem to understand when he can and cannot say them, but he's speaking from his heart even if his brain doesn't understand.

 

He can be sitting and watching a commercial on television and listening to all the sales pitches when he might blurt out "oh bullshit," and that's okay because it's usually just he and I and maybe Dan in the room at the time. He might be watching a news story about "deflate gate" and hear someone say that Tom Brady is innocent of any wrongdoing and he will speak those same words, and I, for one, will agree with him. However, this past Sunday when our Eucharistic Minister was here to bring communion, she was in the middle of the Gospel reading - something about how God looks after those who believe in him - when Gary spit out those two words. I instantly shot him a dirty look and he grinned and covered his mouth as though he understood he had done something wrong. Fortunately, his speech is still bad enough that other's don't always understand what he's saying and I believe Janie didn't pick up on what he had just said and she continued the reading. After she left, I had a talk with him about it and he just laughed and indicated that was the way he felt at the time. He seemed to understand that he should have kept it to himself - but with his short-term memory loss, who knows when he will blurt out something inappropriate again at the worst possible time.

 

We had a rather boring holiday weekend. I managed to get the flag hung out on Friday to honor all the fallen heroes who fought for our freedom, and I packed a few kitchen items that I had in duplicate so Dan would have some things he needs for his new home, but otherwise didn't do much. On Monday, we were watching the Memorial Day ceremonies in Washington, DC while I was feeding Gary his dinner in his recliner in the living room. During parts of the ceremony where they were showing the American flag, he would put his left hand (since his right hand is affected) over his heart, or he would sometimes salute as others did in the processions - all while eating his dinner. It was obvious he wasn't concentrating on chewing and swallowing issues, but more so on honoring the fallen soldiers. He even cried at times during the ceremony.

 

Kelly was off yesterday because of the holiday, so I got to do all the laundry that she normally would do on Mondays, and then some. Gary had a bit of a sore throat on Sunday night so had slobbered quite a bit during the night and soiled most of his bedding with drool. I ended up washing everything - pillows, sheet set, bed pads and mattress cover - 4 loads in all. We are lucky that the heat is on here now, so some of the larger items were hung out on the deck rail to dry - and they managed to dry faster than if I had put them in the dryer on a 60 min. cycle. There won't be any laundry for her today, but just as well since we have to get Gary up, showered and fed before his appointment with his new Dr. for his annual physical. I have a feeling the Dr. will try to recommend nursing home care for him once he sees the extent of his disabilities, to which Gary will most definitely say "oh bullshit." :D

 

Sarah

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I have a friend whose husband has the same compulsion to say just what is on his mind,  If you are with her you have to get used to his remarks about your hair, your weight, your attitude and the way you dress.  I like her so I put up with it.  The remark during the Bible reading was awkward but the Eucharistic Minister would rise above that anyway.

 

I want to say as usual that you do very well looking after Gary knowing that he is probably what the doctor would see as someone who needs to go into a nursing home, I got the same thing with Ray, all wives with disabled husbands do.  It is your decision to make and one day maybe you will have to, but for now you are still coping.

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Ha!  Larry would say the same about the nursing home.

 

I think ministers see and hear and lot during their time in service.  I'm sure it did not bother her.  I am happy that our visiting minister can offer Larry communion.  He now has tried dipping a little part of the wafer in the wine and offering it to Larry as we use both in our religion.  It works and Larry can swallow it fine.

 

Julie

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Sarah: you gotta just love him. He knows exactly what he is saying and why. OK, so maybe it would be nice to expand his vocabulary a bit - but have to admit, he got right to the point, Mr. Man of Few Words!

 

Bruce has done it a few times and I know it is because he is looking for a reaction, usually from the speaker. Wouldn't you love to go through the rest of your life with no filters and just say "Oh well, I had a stroke." LOL

 

You had a wonderful weekend. So much to honor and be thankful for. Gary was just precious. Debbie

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I think there is also another thing at play.   Bullshit is a response that often is used and laughed at, and he CAN say it, so he does.    It feels normal to him to be able to make a reply, and like you say, the filter is not working!

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I love this story because Gary can express himself freely!  And I think it is really important for someone who has had his language messed with to be able to use it as he wants to when he wants to.  He is expressing true opinions and isn't that just what Memorial Day is all about: freedom.

 

it sounds like he has a good sense of humor about it too.

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Hey, I think it is great that Gary said what he felt…. i am sure he feels pretty abandoned at times.. but that is with good cause, We all feel that way from time to time , within the religion realm…… 

But now for you --- you are a amazing person, I gave it my "all " caregiving. But you have done it twice as long as i did…. you are nothing short of AMAZING….  I guess we all are on this website… we have decided, to accept the responsibility of another person…. each in our way, each of us with our own capabilities and circumstances . Life it just never gets easier, just a bit harder and more complicated every day . seems like that anyways…  nancyl

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