I woke with a sore throat,hard to swallow,burning,feels like swallowing marbles. Nurse saw me cuddled up with a roll of toilet tissue and said it looked like I was snuggled up with a teddy bear but it was TP and said how cute. Actually it is pathetic.The kleenex is not kleenex.It may sand furniture ok. So my nose runs endlessy. I must have dozed off. So I explained my symptoms. She said she would look for lozenges. She brought me meds all day but never addressed my illness even though I was in bed sleeping all day only up for meals which I said I had pain swallowing. The cna told the nurse, I told the nurse. This one is the never ever one. Remember her. I just slept. Then bossy nurse came on. I told her. She likes to say nothing is wrong so at least she grabbed a light and looked at my throat. She said it looked terrible and came back to swab and culture for strep. She said no antibiotics til the culture comes back and called the on call doc to tell him so.

So Just wanted to sleep at 10pm. She and staff were talking loudly outside our door so I asked her to please close our door. My roommate also likes door closed and so every night we sleep with the door closed to block out the sounds of talking,loud tvs,coughing, calls for help and the banging around in the med cart in front of our door,and people coming to it asking for meds,more loud chatting or arguing with this nurse. No other nurse is loud obnoxious. So she says she is busy. I ask if the cna she is chatting about personal stuff that I do not want to listen to can come close the door. So she sends staff over saying the door can only be closed half way. Their chatter continues. I haul myself out of my sickbed,walker and all and close the door lightly.

Then I hear:OhNoSheDidn't!!

Before I am back to bed, staff opens it half way again. So yes of course I went back and closed it but this time hard,saying go get the supervisor. So I was sitting on my bed fuming,weak,tired,ready for war. The supervisor looked in her teens with attitude to match and announced it was policy to keep doors open. Nonsense I said. I see closed doors all the time,our door is closed nightly,and my roommate said yes that is true,all night nurses who bring our night meds ask us if we want the door closed,the cnas who come in to change roomies diapers ask if we want the door closed,so no one knows about your policy. She retorted that was on their shifts but on hers the door stays open but she would compromise with it half way. I said it will be war then because I will close it. She replied: and I will open it every time you close it. And here my bravado cracked as I remembered how difficult walking,standing is for me...would I be knocked over in a silly door war. Good sense prevailed over my rage and I switched tactics. I stated my reasons for wanting the door closed: excessively loud tvs, loud staff talking personal,etc...and the bright hall light shining on my bed...and I demanded that she use her power to address those things if she could,and then perhaps we would not care about the door being open. Then I added that in an hour the next shift would be on and that nurse closed our door. And I wanted to say: so there and blow a raspberry at her,but I somehow refrained. So she left leaving the door half open. I rang for cna and asked for tea, and when she left,the door was only cracked open an inch or two.

Then the next shift arrived,the night nurse brought my pain pill,and slammed the door shut as she left.

I believe if any policy was involved,that one would enforce it. She is quiet. I never hear staff fooling around in the hall.

They come in change diapers,give meds with little disturbance.

Well I am worn out,but not worn down. This is not a prison. This is a place for rest and healing. We are not children and our wishes need to be honored even if staff has other ideas.

This is no place for power struggles,but I keep getting into them because I cannot help myself. My roommate likes door closed. She never makes waves though. She patiently just waits and asks the right person later. I wish I could. I just go blasting off full speed ahead. As if I am a physical match for anyone now. Tears of frustration. I am not this jerry springer chic in my real life,ready to battle. But no one has treated me this way and been allowed to remain in my life either.

This is a prison.Zimbardo. some compassion is found here.kindness,caring. But power is intoxicating.for some,first supervising jobs. For others,failed ambitions are baggage in this job. Yet others enjoy power but use it cruelly.

Oh another short clip:

I use some medicated shampoo,facial creams,scalp solutions. The skin nurse would bring them in the morning at breakfast and trust me to use them properly,not eat them. So they left them with me. Said put then drawer out of sight so another wandering patient doesn't come in and eat them.

So bossymeannursie would come in and demand them. She would toss left over creams placed in med cups. They never give me tubes. I said I m going to use them in a few hours. Why waste that good cream. She said she had to give them to me. So we played the game. She would take them at 5 and give them back at 8 and take them back. One day I told her I was keeping them,that the skin nurse said i use it ok,so she has not taken them or thrown out good cream. Sometimes my shampoo went missing.they searched and did not find it.she said it was locked in another cart.foolis things like that. Technically she is right,they usually lock it all up. But every morning any skin nurse on comes in and says you have your stuff right and will use it and I say yes if I do. No problems. I like to have it to use when I need to and not worry they cannot find it, or cannot locate the skin nurse.