I woke shaky,sweaty,ready to vomit, rambling about Complaints,so irritable anxious,but this time knowing it was lo blood sugar so I rang for nurse. She wordlessly checked it and reported it was 60,told me to eat a soggy pbj but I asked for orange juice. In the meantime I nibbled on fresh oranges my roommate got for snack and passed to me because she does not eat them. Thank heavens for such a nice roommate. The juice had me feeling better quickly. So did the zofran.

On top of it all it was pain pill time and I anxiously awaited for relief from today's therapy. I told her it took me days to recover and she said that was good thing. I said it hurts to walk to the bathroom for days. Not fun. So tonite I painfully move only if I must. She says keep moving. Ok I walk to van,walk to rehab,exercise,walk to van,walk to room. Collapse on bed and cannot bear to move to breathe. Plus other appointments require walking. The mantra is keep walking. Ok but not tomorrow. The neurologist said walk as much as possible. What if what is possible is not this much? Torture now to stand up! I come back from therapy exhausted and sleep soundly despite noise.

I will not have this therapist next time because she is moving to the other office location. I will miss her understanding and help. Maybe the next one will help me find a balance of how much to do. Today I said uncle.enough. but she still managed to make me work to the point of Misery.

All with the hope of progress.

Afterwards my foot feels tingles, I notice how my little ballet slipper shoe feels on the numbish foot. But later I pay with foot spasms that are unbearable.

Hooray for therapy. Someone asked me if I had the kind of therapy that is painful. Is there any other kind?

I want to someday walk a treadmill,run a block or two.

With dance for fun and exercise background

I was always limber,flexible. Now I cannot cross my legs. Of course it is painful to touch right leg or bend right leg. But I am rigid frozen. No more yoga sitting on the floor. My homework is to stretch. This leg hurts to look at it. It is fine with me if it turns into a wooden peg leg if it stops hurting. Stretching is going to require stronger meds. I am a sorry sight at the ballet bar now in the gym. I hang on to not fall over when dizzy and moving is slow small painful.

Gone are my days swimming for hours in a lake,hiking,dancing,running.

But my roomie is in a chair. She thinks I am lucky. I know that in one part of me,but another part tantrums.

Not everyone understands diabetes. But at least now I am not in a constant struggle with any nurse or cna. They know me better. I was tested. Now they know I will call for supervisor,ombudsman,doctor to get what I need,and I win because I only fuss over what is needed. I am not so bad when I am not in pain. They see me interact with other residents well. I do not care if someone likes me or not because chances are if they do not like me then I probably am not keen on them.I am not bullied period because I do not mind a fight.

I love making friends.

I finally see blessing of being here.sometimes.

When I get lo blood sugar, my roomie consoles me, and staff takes care of me now without so much fussing. It took a while to get here.

Now I just need to try and avoid this horrible feeling others rarely understand how horrible.

Oh therapist said I had a high pain threshold. She said when I complain of pain,it really is intense pain. I said but I complain of pain so much,I feel weak and whining. She said no,most people are not living with daily intense pain. By the time I complain,it is more than the average person deals with. That was her evaluation. Ok but I do not like pain or discomfort or camping. But it sure felt good to be believed my pain is real and a pat on the back for enduring. But will this be like a hey send her to work in pain,she can handle it.

I fall apart with low blood sugar. I do not want to be strong any more. I want relief. I want someone to Let me Rest.