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Denied MedicalTreatment



That is what her family wants I am told when I inquired about my roomie with the horrible cough. They came in and took a chest x ray and then did one breathing treatment but then no one came back to do anything. She drinks but refuses food. I heard it was painful teeth when I first came here months ago.

She had a stroke and has been here over a decade. Her family is far away in Mexico and came once with birthday balloons but said the birthday was the next month.

She is in bed everyday. Her TV is rarely on. She keeps her curtain pulled. She smiles and raises her hand to me when I smile,wave,and say hello. People talk Spanish to her. I do not see her much. She makes a huge mess with her food and sometimes pushes the tray off the table breaking glass. No one is happy about that.

I hear her cough a deep congested rattling cough. I pray sh is not suffering and that she would fuss if she was. My other roomie says she is getting well and sounds better. She also said she never coughed for a while.


On the other hand I am sad that she likes to stay behind the curtain and wonder if this is new behavior.

I cannot imagine a decade here. They say she is like a child.


I cannot fathom not allowing some soothing medical care for an illness we can cure like bronchitis.

It is some hospice thing I am told.

I sit here listening to her coughing and choking and consider how the family is thinking this is best.

I send a text to mine that I will haunt and curse them if they let me suffer ill,but they can unplug me.

My roomie is alone here too. I hear she has half a dozen kids somewhere.

That gets me thinking. Will I spare them by being here. Perhaps this is best. Or not.


I wonder what roomie would say right now about it.

It is torture on me to hear every cough. It goes against everything in me but it is not my decision. I despise being helpless to help her. I reach deep to accept God's will but keep thinking we were given medical knowledge to ease suffering. None of this is good. Not even something to ease pain.

But then to value a choice different from my opinion. Who am I to know. But I am here to witness this. I wish to escape.


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Still overthinking. What does do no harm really mean? Perhaps prolonging life is doing harm. Or is allowing someone to suffer or die without attempts at treatment. And which treatments. Like antibiotics or breathing treatments are not extreme measures. They are common.


I was and am not ready to think of all this. I wish I was in a rehab world of hoping and striving for a future. But here I am looking at the other side of the coin. Ok just say it. Death will set her free so why do I dread this and outraged she will suffer on her way there. Perhaps she can recover.

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I pray for you and your rionue. I wonder if they have talked to her through a. Interpreter. Does the family have medical power if attorney.

Sorry that the old administrator working with dusavked. Is there anyone other than you advocating for her? At least she has you


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I am sure this just leaving the lady behind the curtain to die without any analgesics etc is not legal.  What about pain management and relief? Just the cough must be painful and  all in all it sounds like her needs simply as a human being are not being met.   I'm with Jay,if she speaks Spanish an interpreter needs to be called in if her own children can not be there to interpret for her.  If her children have said all this is okay why are they not visiting her to check that she is being treated humanely? 

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Sorry Pam I misunderstood. How about pictures she can point to and other means of communications?  Can she point to what she wants?  Surely there is some way of comunicating.  It all sounds so sad to me.

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Pam: I am so sorry and this is an example of exactly why I left patient care.


If you can confide in a favorite nurse and explain that she coughs all the time and maybe some more breathing treatments might be useful - that is just about all you can do. You have to find that one who will go the extra step.


Pray for her Pam, smile and when you can hold her hand for a while. She may not know what is happening to her, but she will understand warmth and concern.


Bless you for all that you do. Debbie

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That is such a sad situation to find yourself in.  As Debbie said, if you can't do anything for her physically, sitting with her and holding her hand will help you both.



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The residents are not allowed to touch each other, so I can't hold her hand. I never go near her bed. I sit in a chair and I smile,talk,wave when her curtain is pulled back. She turns her head away eventually and does not make eye contact any more.

I wonder what happened to her. She once raised all those children and now she is Here.

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The physician assistant came today and they screened for a uti. Then we told about her teeth. So her teeth were examined and they are loose and gums inflamed. I wonder how many years ago they were brushed. I heard nurse arguing with PA saying she wont let anywone. So then the family was notified that she had not eaten in 2 days. Daughter told me. She is bilingual. I said I have been in this room for months and she never eats food,just drinks. The daughter realized the home was not getting her care. The doc said she did not need to go to hospital and ordered antibiotic shots. And they promised to get her to the dentist if family will come.

IF she was my mom I would get her to hospital. The daughter said she put vaseline on her lips and lotion all over her. Sounds like dehydration. She is not getting enough to drink,and eating nothing. For months. Daughter said she has lost too much weight and she always had a hearty appetite. Sheesh cna comes in saying she is giving up. Wow and to think this is all due to poor dental hygiene. Cna said she swallows tooth paste or mouth wash. So is there alternative way to get the reluctant to brush. And into treatment. Some happy gas maybe. She still coughs. They come in on sundays and replace the mask and tubes on breathing machine she has not used since the first time. Apparently family is not kept well informed. Nurses were there but i got daughter's attention and said please do not leave her alone. She raised her head back and said oh no. I hope she understood I was giving her a warning and not criticizing her. Anyway other sisters including the one with conservatorship are going to be coming by.

My prayers are answered. But it is disturbing to hear people at this home justifying not doing anything saying the doctor has been following this closely,she has been drinking enough protein shakes,she does not let anyone help,she is strong and pushes them away. Like those are excuses not to help a woman unable to help herself. The true ugliness of these staff,intentional or complacency is unacceptable to any standard of integrity.

She is not forgotten by her children. I hope they can get things done.

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