My sister is coming out of a disaster just like that. Took 8 years to get divorced from - no money and he wanted a safety net plus her job had good benefits. What a total jerk and loser. I finally got myself together and got her divorce started and her moved - and she is getting stronger by the day. 23 years of hell kills or makes the soul very timid.

Mitch, been there with one of my sons whose wife walked out taking her son and his daughter with her! My other son was the one who walked.  I think it is a generational thing this mad pursuit of personal happiness regardless of the unhappiness it causes others.  Don't apologise we all need to rant sometimes.

Sue.

Sorry to here that Mitch.  I don't think people understand how to work things out in relationships when they are having a hard time.  They think by leaving it will create happiness but not realizing it's destruction that they are creating.   Your son-in-law sounds like my best friends brother who has nothing to do with his oldest son yet he talks about how important it is to be with family. 

I raised my children just fine after divorce. My kids say it was better than having a selfish problem maker around. They had extended family and friends and community so they did not feel they missed anything without him personally,while they both appreciate the role and responsibility of a father better,more from their experience. In fact after contact with him as adults both kids say it was better he was absent. Now with hindsight I can see they had better male role models.

So I just post this to encourage you that a full happy life can be had by all and does not depend on one person only. Althiugh some situations may be devastating,things may be as they are meant to be. I pray for strength and healing for your family during this difficult time.

As I've told my own children many times, if you are looking for an excuse to get a divorce you can always find one. Getting married is the easy part. Staying married takes work. Too often our kids are too quick to throw in the towel because they've never been taught to sacrifice, to stay the course, to have dedication and determination. We parents are to blame for that because we provided them with an easy path free of struggle .As a result they never learned how to suck it up and plow ahead when an obstacle appeared or things got really tough. We gave them what we thought was love. In truth we gave them very poor preparation for life as an adult. Too many of our kids were raised to be self-centered and to demand instant gratification. To them anything that didn't go their way was "not fair." They seemed to think that life owed them fairness no matter what. Being happy was their only calling even when the happiness came at the expense of others. They also learned to rationalize any decision they made, even if it was selfish and woefully inconsiderate of others. You're right to suggest many of us should never have had kids. But it's not because the kids were destined to disappoint us, it's because we were destined to be poor parents. Fortunately I have three kids who today are all good, hardworking, generous adults. All are college educated. Two are lawyers. They are great kids. I not only love them, I respect them. I've never regretted having them. They are the best thing I ever did. But my wife and I worked like hell to be good parents to them and to make the tough calls when they had to be made. We weren't always successful but we always tried. People tell us how "lucky" we are that our kids turned out so well. I don't think luck had much to do with it. We just cared a lot, thought a lot, worked a lot and put our kids at the top of our list of priorities. What we learned is that you really do reap what you sow. Kids can't do their part unless their parents do theirs.

With that said, divorce isn't the end of the world. Your daughter should be fine. Modern women don't need a husband the way women once did. They are far more educated and independent than earlier generations were. She still has her parents. With luck she'll eventually have a new husband and he will be stronger than the first one. Good luck.

I just want to say, thank goodness,  she has you. Plus he sounds selfish, so her and the Kids are better off without him.  Today, our Kids have no backbone. It gets hard and they are off, then we wonder why the Kids of today are mess up?  My husbands daughter marriage is over after oneyear!  They haded been back and forth for eight years and four children!  he was the one who wanted to get married and he seem to be really to grow up!  Not a change was back to his old ways, cheating, running around, useless!. She has haded enought, and  I told her,  she starts looking forward and not back.  I tell her that he is not a good explame  to her girls or the one boy. 

Yvonne