So one may think that in a SNF (I personally detest the word sniff) you will be watched over,protected,by a clean kind medication bearing nurse. One that puts the nurse in sniff. She holds the power. She holds the medcart keys. But do not interrupt her pill line and expect service with a smile. I must ask for pain pills as needed for breakthrough pain from the rather ineffective but better than nothing fentanyl patch. I feel like Oliver asking for More. I have a knack for making my request when there is a shift change and they are endorsing or when the nurse is on break. I often wait an hour plus for sight of a pill. Then I wait for relief to engulf me and give me the blessed time of whatever relief form is revealed. The burning or stabbing or freezing or aching or drilling or tightening or Stinging may subside,dull,or disappear for a while. Just because I have not found a viable long acting drug just yet,this is a rinse-repeat scene around the clock. To add to my tribulation of the half-life of pills,I must deal with staff scheduling and my place in the queue. Patience and something to bite on required. The needy ones daring to cause a row during break are considered weak,unruly,attention seeking patients that suffer from entitlement more than real pain. Family member caregivers that break the sacred breaktime code are perceived as interfering,overbearing-out-of-guilt annoyances that set the whole schedule back. But then there are the not burned out ones,the compassionate,the More than a paycheck people who give comfort along with medication. They are frequently caught caring. But that does not help much when he or she is on break. In a place where pain is abundant would it make sense to have a relief nurse for the relief of patients? Here two stations break together often on night shift when patients are tucked in,confined,enduring relentless pain that prohibits sleep.

I believe even my guardian angel is exhausted and fed up.

I weep because this pain,so familiar to me,is unfathomable. I may as well claim to be an alien life form maladjusted to Earth's atmosphere.

There is no pity for pain.

What kind of patient is created in this hostile environment?

I love my days out to appointments when I carry my own medication per dr orders. I am empowered again and relieved of pain.

But there are times when pain turns to nausea,anxiety,Exclusion,shame,apathy,

Alienation.