When I had kids at home I loved school holidays, I loved having my kids around the house, lots of noise, always something happening. Holidays were always the time when one or more of them would come and have a long talk about what was gong on in their lives, I would make an opportunity to sit down with them for a while without having to jump in the car and take them to the many places they needs to go, Scouts, football for the boys, Venturers and guitar lessons for Shirley. As a mostly stay at home Mum (Ray mostly worked shift work or on call) it was great to have that time with them.

Of course the Christmas/summer holidays were longer and more tiring and we often found it hard towards the end to find enough to do to keep them busy so in a way I was glad to see the end of the holidays .By the end of seven weeks they were reluctant to go back but soon fitted back into the routine again. I am sure kids do these days too.And there was all the joy of them reporting who was back, who was still in their classes, who had moved, or had a new baby in the family. Of course I suppose some seemed to have done more exciting things but i would say "one beach is as good as another" and that had to do, we did not have the money to go here, there and everywhere. It was always a time of news, good and bad. I really miss all of that now in my retirement years.

This holiday was special for me as I actually got to see all of my grandchildren. The holiday at Broken Hill meant I got to see a lot more of Alice than I do if I am there for a week. We got to know each other better and at her age (3 1/2) she needs to see me frequently to remember me. I spent a weekend at Shirley's place so saw her two children then and last night I had dinner with Pam and my three grandchildren from Adelaide, I usually see them during school holidays as that is when they come up to see their mother. Unfortunately I saw them only once this time but it is good to see them anyway and know they still remember who I am and are glad to see me. And that is the main thing, they were glad to see me.

So now life goes back to something like normal as the meeting season starts , all the Annual General meetings, all the little sub-committee meetings. This is when I need the diary to keep tabs on all that is happening and make sure I am at the right place at the right time. This is also an opportunity to decide if I want to take on the same commitments as last year or if there is something else I would like to do instead. Not that I actually usually have a choice. I have three visitors from England coming from the 11th February for a month so whatever I am supposed to do will have to be suspended for some of that time as why would I have friends to stay if I am not prepared to spend some time with them?

I spent the day at home today. No real commitments as I have done the monthly visit to the ladies in care. They were all pleased I was back because although life is busy for me for them once Christmas is over any family they have visit will have gone back to the own lives again. The next "must do" visit is Mother's Day in May. So sad that all the ones I visit are not included in their families' every day lives, having families who live a distance away in most cases, while two are singles ladies and have no family. It seems to be a fact of life that while some families are great and rally around their oldies in nursing homes keeping them informed, visiting regularly, including them as much as possible as a integral part of the family for others that just does not happen.

We have had a lot of rain and while we haven't had flooding the ground is very soggy so I have long grass the mowing man having not been here since Christmas so the lawn is lavish to say the least. In fact I can get wet legs on the way to the clothesline now. There are also mosquitoes around so no going out gardening on dusk, which of course is an ideal time in mid summer when the days are so hot. My solution is to get out early and do an hour or so on the days when I have not a lot to do, today being one of those. I do love to garden so it is no burden, it is just that without Ray around there doesn't seem to be much point. Sure I like to look out on a neat back yard but who will join me in enjoying it now? I do so miss him still.

I still miss Ray in lots of ways, we were such a big part of each others lives for 45 years. I feel that I have a hole in my life where he should be. I know people tell me to get over it, move on etc but that doesn't seem to be what is happening yet and I have doubts that it will,. All I can really do is get more comfortable with living alone, being alone a good majority of every day. I do fill my life up with activities as you know and to a certain extent that works for me, but in the end I come home to an empty house. And that is not yet a comfortable thing for me.