Thanks Katrina ( Cagedbird)
It struck me how Katrina was a part of my psyche. I was heading back to my sons house when I became overwhelmed with the thoughts of dating again. How we were predisposed to many ideals of how 'Beauty makes you happy" I admit that for most of my life I've suffered from Body Dysmorphia. I've seen doctors and been in and out of therapists offices for years to no avail.But that's neither here nor there... ANYWAY I gained a bunch of weight but have lost some and now upset that the person who i meet in the future will except all my baggage. I know that sometimes I give off the vibe of self-esteem but not really.The more upset I get I think of Katrina and her experiences in the dating world and she truly is my inspiration in my quest. I'm just scared. Right now with the up and down to ex-husbands is the main reason I can't make plans but it is to be with my son. (Not like I have plans) But i'm enjoying the time he, my son, is young for my older son i had to work and missed a lot but we can't turn back time.
I'm jealous of my mother, which sounds so petty. She had the gastric Band done and has lost a bunch of weight. True she is 62 and has been struggling with it for YEARS. I know she is happy and has more energy but it makes me gutted when she says,' Come walk with me or ride your bike' Yes I would love to but there are many days which I can't get out of bed and the medicines I'm on. Not to mention the brain damage that causes my brain and stomach to not be on the same page. I can go hours and not eat for I'm truly not hungry so my body turns to starvation mode and holds on to everything I eat. My father suggested to drink at least a protein shake to make up for the calories. Well, that is a liquid diet and of course is you'll lose weight but once you eat.. BAM. weight back on. I am going through all of these emotions for my ex-husband is dating ( I'm truly happy..honest) but I'm always around him so I can't enjoy my time. I know I will once my son gets to be older. It might be winter blues...UGH.. just venting.
So Back to Katrina:
I often say that each and every one of you help me in some way and she is my guiding light in this. Her stories, triumphs and not so happy endings, help me in my future endeavors and I'm learning to be a brave and courageous as she.
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