JULY 4 WITH A BANG
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WELL, IN 6 HOURS, I REPORT FOR A COLONOSCOPY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YESTERDAY, I DRANK MY PRESCRIBED AMOUNT OF DRANO AND GINGER ALE. I STAYED AT THE COMPUTER MOST OF THE DAY TO OCCUPY MY MIND. ALL OF A SUDDEN.............BANG...............THE FIREWORKS INSIDE ME BEGAN. I COULD FIND MY WAY TO THE BATHROOM WHILE UNDER HEAVY GUNFIRE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE, WHILE BLINDFOLDED.
ANYHOW, I THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD BE QUIET. THEN I ANSWERED A POST ABOUT SOMEONE WHO WOULDN'T GO TO BE CHECKED AFTER HAVING QUESTIONABLE SYMPTOMS. I'M GETTING AGGRAVATED AND I CAN FEEL MY BLOOD PRESSURE RISING BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE TALKING TO A WALL. NOW DAYS, YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE CHANCES. IN BETWEEN POSTINGS, I DEVOURED MY MEALS OF JELLO AND POPSICLES. AS OF RIGHT NOW, I'VE LOST 4 POUNDS.
I TOLD MY WIFE I FIGURED OUT HOW WE CAN CUT OUR GROCERY BILL WAY DOWN, LOSE WEIGHT, AND MAKE DINNER PARTIES INEXPENSIVE. SHE POO-POOD THE IDEA.
SO ENDS MY 4TH OF JULY. NEXT YEAR, BACK TO HAMBURGERS, HOT DOGS, SAUERKRAUT, POTATO SALAD, AND WATERMELON.
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