For several weeks I looked forward to my appointments with my psychologist. He helped me find ways to challenge myself when it came to dealing with stressful things. He helped me see strength where I felt very weak. I began to use these thoughts in my everyday life and I was doing it. Standing my ground, speaking up, forgiving myself, learning that real expectations are not finite. I began to come out of my comfy shell a bit more. Visit family and seek stimulation...this is when I started gardening. Along with my therapist I had found a way to release built up goobly gop. I used my hands and moved the earth turning it and preparing it just for myself. It was hard work but I could visually see my progress and while I did I could feel the sun on my face and hear the birds sing, watch the trees as the wind rustled through them, meet my neighbors which took time to admire my work. It felt good, it felt right...I could recharge. Each week I visited my therapist and we talked about a lot of things and I could see myself responding. Each week I did a little more on each side of my porch until after a month I had dug up the grass and removed it, turned the soil to loosen it, hand tilled the dirt to add air, hand tilled some compost in to make it ready for growth. I decided after a long strenuous month to just lay red mulch down and it was beautiful. I did it all on my own. I made it look beautiful. I decided to buy a few herbs and plant up two pots that would sit on either side of my porch. I planted the herbs in a long planter, the mint in a medium round planter, had a strawberry plant that I planted in a basket with a coconut liner, and two large pots that I planted small bright green sweet potato vine on each side of a Catherine Woodbury Daylily and scattered purple wave petunias all in the front and between the vine and daylilies. I fed each one and watered and gave each the needed tlc every day to start them out well. Pretty soon I had new mint plants coming up, taller and thicker herbs (lemon thyme, italian parsley, oegano, sweet basil, and rosemary), my big planters were filling out and the strawberry plant was producing beautiful delicate pink flowers. In therapy, I noticed some things that I was doing differently and that I felt good about them. I was learning how my reactions to those around me affected me. I was learning to learn about myself and that it was a good thing. My husband soon changed jobs and I had to quit seeing the same therapist because my new insurance didn't cover it. I have missed him dearly. I realize everyday that I still have a lot of work to do...on me...on the new me. Financially we are unable to get me back to a psychologist right now but my Neuropsychologist said I should see someone on a regular basis and not stop. I will be soon enough and I am already looking forward to it...