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Bring it


ksmith

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Well tomorrow is the day that I only consume liquid. I have Tuesday I have a surgery that will change my life for the better. Then why am I scared? I’ll tell you:

 

I explained it to my mother that I feel like a drug addict that is facing life after rehab. The fear of the unknown. It is a common fear with this according to other candidates for the surgery. So I’m not crazy? I often say to myself; ‘I love my pizza and pasta and goodies’, and then I feel trepidation with my decision. Crazy right? Well no. The same fear I’m feeling is the same after my stroke. ‘I love riding my bike and walking in heels’ was what I would often say and still to this day I feel less of a woman for heels, well in my mind, made a woman sexy…attractive to men. That kind of feeling is the same that I first thought about myself after my stroke I mean who would ever want me? I was married at the time and we were mainly best friends, to no fault of his, for I forgot the first nine years of our marriage. Sure, we could have rebuilt it but before the stroke there were problems in our marriage. Despite that, he stood my myside for five years after the stroke and he is still one of my best friends. In that time I was able to relearn many daily functions of life but I still don’t feel attractive enough to attract a man. (Not that I’m looking now)
It’s thoughts like that and advice from people that made my decision to get back into shape. The surgery will allow that to happen. This is the last course of action I wanted to take but the invisible aspects of my stroke make that nearly impossible. But little by little I’m trying to correct my health by taking these steps.

 

Now, I started this out by likening this surgery as a drug addict. Food was my drug. Comfort was my drug. It was also my antidepressant throughout my recovery from stroke. Now I have to adjust to the changes, which frankly aren’t that different from when I was workout I was doing before the stroke. Yes, my food size will GREATLY decrease. I was, before my stroke, riding my mountain bike twenty miles a day was nothing but, that also allowed me to eat almost anything. And I did.

 

I’m stronger than this and I know that I can overcome this challenge for if I overcame my stroke to life again I got this too. Bring it on Tuesday!!

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Bring It, says your Blog so I will as I read all of what you speak about and I must say God has blessed you..... Your daughter is getting out on her own, you and your hubby has gone in different directions, your health has held up, your mind is still good, you talk to your mom often, and your mindset is good in getting your body in shape like you want it to be....

 

I been there done that and can feel you in your process after a stroke.....Keep God in your process He is your strength in all you do every day and you will see and feel your body and life in general will make the adjustments you need..... Trust me it works and I'm in my fourth marriage for 20 years now so experience I got..... I would not tell you wrong....

 

If there is anything I can say to help you along in your journey let me know....... All the best to you in your life.....

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 kelli:

 

feeling scared of unknowns is scary for every one, But you are fighter, survivor & you can get through this. I know its hard sometimes to love oneself the way we are, & believing we are enough. you are great person & anybody who chose to be friend or by your side, is one lucky person. believe that, because that's the truth. good luck with your surgery on tuesday will be thinking & praying for you.

 

Asha

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Kelli I have no doubts that you will rise to the occasion. It makes you feel vulnerable to have the feelings you have but I most definitely have been there. I hope that your surgery goes smoothly and that your recovery is as easy on you as possible. Believe. You are beautiful. Beauty is not just skin deep.

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You are strong Kelli, but I understand your fear.  I have that every time I do something out of my comfort zone.  I also think:  "Who will rescue me if all this goes wrong?"  and the answer is always to take life one day at a time.  Your meditation will rebuild you as your mind works out a new path for you.  (((Hugs)))

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