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Needing courage



I have the invasion of the body snatchers.  I woke with light sensitive headache and as my tiny daughter said, my eyebrows hurt. I was told by NP to take meds not close to best treatment. I got myself to urgent care to see a real doc who gave me the right stuff. In 48 hours I feel clearing less stuffy pressure. My facial swelling is down.  It makes a difference to have the doctors see me.  That is a fight here in the snf. But in our household my kids know the drill for a sinus infection.  Like common sense. But I suffered a long weekend without treatment so it progressed.

No one seems to care I have not showered on time and forced to cancel dentist cleaning. In fact it seems to be an inconvenience. I hope to feel good onSt. Paddy' s Day. 


My best frind sent me green nail polish glitter and a box of green things. I love the new shamrock socks and scarf. I have shamrock beads and one lights up. I usually polish my friend's nails but I have been ill. I still see her wave down the hall pretty in my new pink.

The lady that does bingo asked me if I was joining but I said I was sick. She replied "sick of what?"  I explained ILL. 

So I try to be sunshine with my rainbow shamrocks I put on my nails. My soul cries for my daughter and grandson.

I sleep. I know this is a horrible painful thing on top of my leg.

Thankful list includes my new dr ordering more therapy and for new pretty copper quad cane to help me toddle around. my coloring and my movie wish list.

My van driver did not know I had a stroke or what is wrong with me. Always amazes me that I can pull off some weird normal to others. I try to share but she was more interested in her own story. So I listen.


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Be strong and keep the faith you need to keep fighting I know you know this you need to keep fighting not only for you but your daughter and grandson there are days when I get discouraged and all I really need to do is think about some funny stories of my grandchildren pokego Hospital Heather annual recognition dinner and I was invited so I was up for volunteer of the year my wife was unsure if she was going to be able to get off work I asked my daughter and she was tied up with her work and my nine year old granddaughter look to me she said pippa I'll be your date wild that make put a smile on my face I told her I would love to have her as my date but I would get her home way too late by bus and the next day was a school day another example of the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree keep hope alive

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Update. today I went to dermatologist. always nice to see this doc. skin is straight forward

I wore my greens and watched the Irish Dancers today. The Irish meal was so awful. Not like my own cooking I miss so much. I was disgusted they assign seating and quickly moved to sit with a friend. Some friends not invited I was told by the activities director when I inquired about them.

I sat with my friend who is in her 90s and we play solitaire together. We have fun. she always wins. She taught me. she plays everywhere. Her home is here long term too

I mourn friends gone this year. 

I feel a bit better but I know all my deficits are worse when ill.Sinus infection with impacted right side. I feel whiney and bitter and betrayed the food and party was a sham. But we played cards at our table for over an  hour. the room was empty except for us.

I am lucky. one friend who smiles and is glad to see me is enough. She apologizes she cannot hear me with those earbud hearing aids but talking not necessary when playing cards and I do not whine. 

You are my friends too. faithfully there and here to just be there. thank you for reading. I have a stone that says strength from my friend and thst is no blarney. I think strength is shared just like osmosis you can borrow it off someone when you need it. 

Amazing how we are pulled to some but not others. I am going to get her new cards online. I need to learn more about her likes. I already gave her mint green mittens when her hands were cold. I wear hand warmers instead. I will sleuth it out. 

My new roommate is very nice. I love my room and waking up looking outside. I wish the light sensitivity would stop. I usually keep blinds wide open.

I have lost hair. This makes me sad. It is stress and hormones and yadayadda. I have rogain. they said to keep what is left not to grow anymore.pity. i loved hair.love hair. I braided all kinds of them on the girls. on myself.



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Pam,you do your best with what you've got.  I have been around nursing homes for a long time and I can tell you some are good and do the best they can for their residents, some just like to make a profit.  You are smart to simply take advantage of what there is.  I wish things were different for you but know you will make the most of everything that comes your way and I admire you for that.

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