I have been Dans caregiver for 6 years . 4 at home with me and the last 2 in the nursing home. ARGGGHHHHH .... I try and I try.. but his brain injury is just to profound and the OCD seems to get worse daily. His life is so limited. Because of himself - of course the stroke is the real culprit. But the daily manipulations continue. Yesterday I pick him up from the nursing home, take for lunch at Mc Donalds --#8 coke with no ice..... barf... but it is his choice every day, and I know why. It is always the same every day - no changes - no surprises. But anyhow I get him his food and had planned to have him come to my work and hang out. We didn't have clients scheduled just a lot of research ( I work for an ATTY) its a private business so I can do those things. I and Dan are blessed in that aspect. So at least once a week he does that. This week he was gonna get 2 trips to the office. Well I was driving and I rubbed the curb with the car tire. And he just had to go ballistic, -- I am so tired of it, tired of my own - ( oh my god--opps, *beep*, hit that curb) But his reaction the LOUD yell and the look of contempt, and barrage of name calling....... he can't tell me the color of his underwear, but he sure can tell me off. I care why, I mean this has played out in 100's of ways - 100's of times. But it breaks me everytime. This time I took him back to the nursing home . and left...... Of course that afternoon later my sister MY sister had mad a date with him to go to the movies .... Notice I said MY sister -- ( DAN has 6 siblings , haven't seen any or his mother in 3 years ) Damn thats a awesome family- right-. Again I look for something that is not there . I expect kindness from a man who is void of it. But my sister even though she is devastated for me, followed through and he got his movie date. But I don't want to see him for awhile. I don't want to punish him, he can't even remember what transpired. But my heart, broken so many times. The kids - are taking him to church tonight and out to eat. 

The kids feel they do a lot and they do, with dan. But of course its not daily. its once a week for them, for me it is 2x day , most days. For the kids lucky enough to move away from this crap. it is a couple times a year. They will breeze in give suggestions and just don't get my resentfulness. I love him, (DAN) I Love my kids, I love my sister - whose main goal is to just keep me sane.... lol --- I am just venting.... Its all about me right ------- at least on my little blog--- on my little island, I come to, called stroke net.