• entries
    107
  • comments
    613
  • views
    29,666

One Day at a Time


HostTracy

1,106 views

It's been a week and a half since I moved to my Dad's. For those not aware, my partner cheated on me and is now seeing a 24 year old employee. I had to go for my own sanity. This has been the hardest thing I have experienced since my stroke and is even harder than my divorce 11 years ago. I truly love Adrian but I do not know him anymore. I must be honest the first two days at my Dad's were awful and I spent my time crying and trying to figure out how to go back and everything be right. I even texted Adrian and told him I missed home.

 

Last weekend I helped my parents to move my little sister into her new house (her husband and 3 boys all under 6). It is a beautiful house, a log house, and inside is so beautiful. Well instead of taking it all in I cried all weekend! After  this sad weekend I started to feel a little better...crying less, thinking about the future, and feeling more comfortable at my Dad's. I think living with my Dad has brought back these feelings of not being able to live on my own. I experienced these early in my life and after my stroke. Losing your independence as an adult is so difficult and can feel so helpless. I still have no vehicle to feel some freedom in but hopefully this week that will change that.

 

I finally felt in myself that I can do this. Trust me that was not the case a week ago. I felt so out of place. Everything felt so wrong. So I have gone from taking things hour by hour to day by day. I can breathe easier today. I've done my change of address and went through the process of changing my address with SNAP (food stamps) and am doing my best to feel better each day. The decision to leave has been scary...I have no income, no savings, and it feels yucky but I have wonderful family. Just that is irreplaceable and a blessing.

 

My wonderful sister invited me to her new River House for Memorial Day Weekend. I went Friday evening and just relaxed. The next day we boated even though it was cloudy all day. Can you believe I got a sunburn! Thankfully not bad at all but really unexpected. We had delicious pulled pork BBQ that cooked all day while we were out. It also was my sister's 50th birthday and I was so glad to be there and help celebrate. It was a great weekend. I came back on Sunday and was so glad to see my kitty. My heart has felt some warmth this week. My mom also took me shopping and bought me some new clothes and 2 pairs of yellow box flip flops (they are the best!)...It meant so much to me.

 

I've decided how I am going to spend this time recovering. I am going to join our local rec club and work on getting healthy, work on my tan, and make my life all about me. That's my secret it gotta be all about me. Time for me to be stingy and not feel guilty. The healing has begun.

5 Comments


Recommended Comments

Hi there, Tracy, it's good to hear from you again.  Your attitude is so great about your plans to help you recover from the stroke.....You're not being stingy by putting yourself first; you're being healthy!

 

I always say that I don't like summers because of the heat, humidity and insects!  You just reminded me of how much I love BBQ's.  Thank you, thank you.......(As long as the insects stay away from the food, lol.)

 

BTW, you'll see my name as lpineau; I recently joined the volunteer staff; but I'm still Linnie.

 

You're definitely on the right path, my dear friend.  I'm so sorry but I'm a naysayer about the tanning; a small amount of being in the sun is a health need, but too much....trouble!  The Island on which I live has the highest rate of melanoma in Canada.  Makes me super glad that I was never into tanning; loved the beaches far more in the evenings than during the day.

 

Keep us up to date on how you're doing, ok?  :hug: 

Link to comment

Hi Tracy, As Lin said being stingy by putting yourself first is not anything to feel guilty about.  Having a plan is a great first step and you have done that.  But also like Lin said please be careful with the sun exposure. I also come from a country with scary rates of skin cancer, and yes you need some Vitamin D, but a tan you don't really need or want.  And also I have learnt the hard way since my stroke sunburn knocks you around a lot more now than it used to, so you really don't want it and clouds do not stop UV so those overcast days are the most dangerous because you don't feel the sun.  Other than that I love your recovery/improvement plan and I sort of wish I could join you.  I hope there's a garden for you at your Dad's.

 

Take care and have fun

-Heather

 

 

Link to comment

I am glad to see you back with us tracy, I was worried about you a bit. I think transitions are always unsettling. you are on a new beginning perhaps challenging but also a bit exciting. 

as others its definitely ok to be stingy about yourself.  but don't be stingy with your poetry that I have truly missed lately.

glad you are doing better tracy!

 

david

Link to comment

Thank you Linnie, Heather, and David. Heather I think you are right the sun definitely affected me I was so exhausted. I'm not a sun seeker or regular tanner really I honestly just didn't put sunscreen on that cloudy day (lesson learned - Linnie and Heather). David I will hopefully be back to poetry soon. I'm still trying to adjust but I have made it over the severe pain hill...that's a lot! I miss seeing you guys and hope my mood is ready to join more often as I haven't so much like socializing but I can feel it coming back. Hugs to you guys! 

Link to comment

Donna :

 

so good to read your blog, you are on right path. now is the time to rediscover yourself & in the process you will find something good which will bring lot of happiness in your life back again. change is always hard but sometimes that is in our best interest. you wait & see & will tell us one day that this turned out to be master stroke of your life. best is yet to come. good to have great supporting family.

 

Asha

 

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.